When I arrive at Judith’s, Alison calls me into the kitchen and holds out a mug of coffee. She must have had the kettle on the boil.
‘Judith’s asleep in the living room so I thought I’d let her rest for a while, then she can sit up and chat with Dad when he comes home. He will like that.’
‘How’s she doing?’ I take the mug from her. ‘I was worried that something had happened and you wanted me to break it to Lizzie.’
Her eyes meet mine and I can see the concern there, see her hesitate as she wonders how to phrase whatever it is that she’s going to say, and I brace myself. This isn’t looking good.
‘It’s not Judith I’m concerned about.’ She pauses. ‘It’s Lizzie.’
‘Lizzie!’ I almost spurt out my mouthful of coffee. ‘Why? Is she okay?’ Now I think about it, Lizzie had sounded strange on the phone when she spoke to me earlier today.
Alison stares down into her cup then raises her eyes to mine. ‘I can see that Lizzie suffers a lot from anxiety. That was a panic attack she had at the wedding, you know that, don’t you? She said it was because she hadn’t eaten but it was definitely a panic attack.’
I frown. Yes, I know it was a panic attack but I wasn’t about to tell Alison too much of our business. I owe my loyalty to Lizzie. ‘Why would she have a panic attack?’
‘I think maybe because she felt like she was losing her mum?’ Alison tilts her head to one side. ‘They’re very close, aren’t they? And Lizzie seems a little possessive. I mean, she seems to really resent me being here but I’m only trying to help.’
I wonder where this is leading. Lizzie is close to her mum, yes. And yes, she does suffer from anxiety but she’s had it under control the last few years. At least I thought she had. What is Alison trying to say? I wish she’d just spit it out, I need to get on my way to Leeds. I haven’t even told Lizzie I have to go away yet, I want to tell her face to face, check that she can cope without me there.
‘Look, can I be honest? I don’t want to cause trouble between the two of you but I am very concerned.’
My mouth is suddenly feeling dry and I take a few mouthfuls of my coffee before I reply. My brain is racing. I hope Lizzie’s paranoia isn’t returning. ‘Go ahead.’
‘Lizzie is acting a little strange. I went shopping with Kenny today and when I came back I found her upstairs. Apparently she’d gone over to Dad’s shop to borrow his key so that she could have one cut. I had meant to do that but it slipped my mind.’
I’m considering this from Lizzie’s point of view. Judith has a key to our house too. They’ve both always popped in to see each other whenever they felt like it, sometimes leaving a bunch of flowers or a cake for the other one to find when they came home. Lizzie had given her key to Alison so it probably did bother her that she couldn’t come and go as she used to.
‘I don’t think that’s really strange. Lizzie has the kids, and her work, so she probably wants a key so she can pop in when she had a spare moment, and you might be out. She wouldn’t wantto keep pestering you for her key back so went to get another one cut.’
Alison nods slowly. ‘I can understand that. But when I left Judith she was quite perky and said she was going to sit and watch a bit of TV. When I returned she was asleep, almost comatose in fact. And Lizzie was upstairs. She came down looking very guilty and practically accused me of drugging her mother.’
‘Lizzie had probably gone up to get something for her mum. And I’m sure she didn’t mean to accuse you, Alison, she’s so worried about Judith. She hates it that she can’t look after Judith herself. She’s an only child and they’re both very close.’Especially since Arthur died, I think, but I don’t say that to Alison. I don’t want to bring it up.
‘I think she hates me,’ Alison replies flatly.
‘Of course she doesn’t,’ I reassure her.
‘Then why is she accusing me of hurting Mum?’ Alison puts her arm on mine. ‘Has she said anything about it to you?’
I shake my head. ‘Nothing at all. I’m sure she doesn’t think anything of the kind.’
Alison bites her lip. ‘You haven’t told her about us, have you? That could be why she dislikes me.’
‘No, I haven’t mentioned it. I mean, it was years ago. We were only friends.’
Something flashes in Alison’s eyes. Was it hurt? ‘I thought we were more than that.’ She strokes my arm.
‘It was one night,’ I reminded her gently, moving away a little. ‘And we both agreed that it was a mistake.’
A mask comes over her face. ‘Even so, it might bother Lizzie so I’m glad you haven’t mentioned it. Don’t worry, I won’t either. It will be our secret.’ She flicks her eyes to my face. ‘I won’t tell her about that other thing either. All your secrets are safe with me.’
36
LIZZIE
I stare at the jar of peanut butter, my heart racing, my breath coming out in shallow gasps. Someone has been in my house. Someone has put this jar in my cupboard. Two questions are burning my mind.Who and why?I take a few deep breaths, force myself to calm down. I don’t want the kids to come in and see me in this state.
Finally, a little calmer, I rush to get my anxiety band from the drawer by my bed. I’ve tried hard not to wear it for the past few months, even though my stress levels have been building. I know that Nick worries about me when I put it on, he sees it as a sign that I’m not coping, rather than that it helps me cope. I slip it on and ping it against my wrist. Twice.
