I shake my head. ‘Please let me do it. I’m sure I can manage. And if I can’t, I’ll ask you for help, I promise. I have to try to be independent.’
She nods and steps back. ‘Of course.’
I carefully make my way out into the garden – Alison rushing to open the back door for me, as I’d have struggled to open it by myself. I manage to get over to the table by myself, though, and sit down on one of the chairs. It’s a warm day, clear blue sky and it feels good to be outside. I’m getting better, getting stronger. I’m not going to let this ankle defeat me.
‘Here you are, Mum. Two sugars and milky, just as you like it.’ Alison puts my mug down in front of me and sits opposite me, still holding her mug. ‘Isn’t it a gorgeous day?’
‘It certainly is.’ I pick up my tea and sip it, my mind still going over what Sheila had told me. It must have been so awful for Alison and Kenny to see their mother die like that, goodness Lizzie was traumatised enough! George – and Sheila – had obviously handled the situation really well and given them a lot of support.
I wonder whether to mention it to Alison, to let her know that Lizzie had been on the same school trip, and how badly it had affected her to witness her poor mother’s death. But I don’t want to bring it all up again, it must be such a painful memory for them all. It was twenty-five years ago, and everyone has changed so much, no wonder they didn’t recognise each other. Lizzie has black hair now, she always hated being auburn, and Alison looks totally different from the photos George has shown me of them all when they were younger.
Then an image of Lizzie having the panic attack at our wedding flashes across my mind. Had Lizzie somehow recognised Alison? Was that what had triggered her anxiety?
My hand shakes a bit, slopping tea out. I put the mug down on the table.
‘Are you all right, Mum?’
‘Oh yes, just a bit clumsy,’ I reply. How can I tell her that I’m worried that Lizzie might have recognised her, and about the consequences if she has? There is no telling what Lizzie will do when she crashes.
26
LIZZIE
After lunch I text Mum to say that I’m on the way, and she replies that they’re sitting in the back garden. I’m so relieved, Mum must be feeling better then. I decide to drive there, so I can go straight to the school to pick up the kids afterwards. I grab the cards they made Mum on Monday and slip them in my bag.
Kenny’s car is parked outside the house so it looks like I won’t get time alone with Mum. Again. I was already worrying about seeing Alison. Every time I see her, or Kenny – although I know he was too young to remember me, and I hardly had any contact with him – the guilt overwhelms me and I live in fear that Alison’s going to remember me, guess what I did and tell everyone, but I can’t let that stop me from seeing Mum. She needs me to look out for her.
I shout over the gate, annoyed that Alison hasn’t returned my key yet. She has had plenty of time to have one cut. I’m starting to wonder if she’s doing it on purpose, to make me feel the outsider while she cosies up to my mum.
‘Coming,’ Kenny calls. I hear him unlock the bolt and the gate opens. ‘Hiya, Liz. Judith said you were on your way. How are you all?’
His big smile and friendly chatter puts me at ease right away. ‘We’re all good, thanks.’ I glance around and see Mum sitting in the comfy wicker chair from the conservatory, her feet up and a cushion behind her back. There’s a glass of water and a half-eaten sandwich on the table in front of her. Sheila is sitting beside her, chatting. Mum waves to me and I walk over to join them. There’s no sign of Alison.
‘How are you, Mum?’ I kiss her on the cheek and sit down on the empty chair beside her, my eyes anxiously scrutinising her face, noting the dark shadows under her eyes and her pallor.
‘I’m so tired, Lizzie. I can’t believe how much this fall has knocked me about. That and the tummy bug.’
I hold her hand in mine. It’s cold and clammy despite the warmth of the day. She has a blanket over her knees. I glance at the half-eaten sandwich. ‘Are you eating, Mum? You need to keep your strength up.’
‘I’m trying but I’ve lost my appetite.’ Her voice is very quiet, as if she hasn’t got the strength to talk. ‘Alison’s made me soup and plenty of hot drinks so don’t worry, I won’t waste away.’
‘Are you in a lot of pain?’ I ask her.
‘A bit, but that’s only to be expected.’
Sheila pats her hand. ‘Things take longer to heal when you get to our age, dear.’
Then I remember the kids’ cards in my bag. I open it and take them out, handing them to Mum. ‘Here’s the Get Well cards Isaac and Grace made for you.’
Mum’s face lights up as she looks at them. ‘Bless them, they’re so cute. I’ll put them on my bedside cabinet when I go back inside.’
Sheila looks over at the cards too. ‘Ah, they must have spent ages making those.’
‘They did. They love their nanny. They can’t wait to see you,’ I tell Mum.
Then the back door opens and Alison comes out. ‘Oh hello, Lizzie,’ she says brightly. ‘I thought you were too busy to pop in today. I know that your work is important, you have to keep on top of things, don’t you, in this online world. People are too quick to leave a bad review.’
That seems an odd comment when I’ve just had my first low review ever.Don’t be silly, why would Alison leave you a bad review?Anyway, ratings and reviews can only be left by people who’ve used the site.
