‘No thanks, love. George will help me. And thank you for the cake. We really enjoyed it.’
‘Good, I’ll see you in the morning then. But if you need me, give me a ring. Night.’
‘Night, love. I think it’s time we turned in too.’ George stands up and holds his arm out to help me up. I cling on to it, but as soon as I pull myself up I feel dizzy. The next thing I know I’m in bed with George sitting beside me, his face etched with worry,
‘What happened?’ I ask.
He shakes his head. ‘One minute you were fine the next you keeled over. Luckily I caught you or you might have fractured your arm as well as your ankle.’
‘I don’t understand why I keep feeling dizzy,’ I say. ‘It was just like when I fell down the stairs and fractured my ankle.’
‘Alison is worried too. She’s keeping an eye on your blood pressure and it is a little high but nothing to worry about.’
But I am worried. I’ve only fractured my ankle, which yes is painful, but I shouldn’t be feeling so weak and dizzy. Something isn’t right.
21
I look down at her sleeping. She looks peaceful and, hopefully, will stay that way for a while, long enough for me to do what I have to do. As I watch her, her chest rising as she breathes in and out, I think how easy it is to end someone’s life. One minute they’re alive and breathing and the next minute they’re gone. Forever. There’s no going back with death.
It would be so easy to kill her. I could do it quickly now with a pillow over her face. Or I could take my time, do it slowly. A little too much medication, a little something added to her food, a fall. It’s not the ending her life that’s the problem, it’s making sure that I don’t get caught out for it. That it doesn’t look suspicious.
I thought hard about this, I’ve been planning it for a long time, waiting for my chance to come. Which has the most effect, to kill the person who wronged you, or to kill someone they love and make them live with that loss, like we had to? I keep changing my mind, swapping from one to the other. I can’t afford to make a mistake, I need to get this right.
WEDNESDAY
22
JUDITH
I’ve had a bad night, tossing and turning restlessly. It felt like I had some kind of fever. Images flash in my mind. Alison holding a glass of water for me, George wiping my forehead with a cool flannel. And something else, it’s at the back of my mind, lurking, but I can’t grab it. I’m sure it’s important but it’s no use, it’s eluding me. Maybe it was just a dream.
I lie still to get a sense of how I’m feeling before I try to get out of bed. My stomach seems to have settled, but I feel weak, and my mouth is dry.
I can hear movement and then the door opens and, to my surprise, Sheila walks in, holding a mug in her hand.
‘Morning, dear, how are you feeling today?’
What on earth is she doing here?
My surprise must be evident because she smiles. ‘Alison had to go out for a bit, so she asked me to stay with you. She was worried about leaving you alone. She said that you picked up some sort of tummy bug and went dizzy again last night.’
‘Has Lizzie been? She said she was popping in when she dropped the kids off to school.’ I’d been looking forward to seeing her. George’s family are being kind but I miss the familiar company of my daughter and grandchildren.
‘She phoned and as you were still asleep I took the liberty of answering, I hope that’s all right. She said that she had to work this morning so would drop by later.’
‘Yes, thank you. And for the tea. I’m feeling a lot better but my head aches,’ I tell her.
Sheila crosses the room and puts the mug down on the bedside table. ‘I’m not surprised. Alison said that you’ve had a bad night. Tossing, turning and calling out.’ She props a pillow behind my back. ‘She came down to check on you because she was worried you might get out of bed to go to the loo and go dizzy again.’
‘I had a couple of bad dreams. I feel so guilty at how much I’m putting on Alison, when I barely know her. She must be wishing George had never met me!’
‘Nonsense! We are all delighted that you and George have got together. Mind, George is very worried about you, the poor lamb. He didn’t want to go into work today but I said I’d take the train over and sit with you. Kenny’s going to pick me up later.’ Sheila points to the mug she’s just brought in. ‘I could see that you were stirring so I’ve made you a cup of tea. Alison said you like one when you wake.’
‘Thank you.’ I try to sit myself up but I can’t. It’s like my bones have turned to jelly and I have no control over my movements.
‘Here, let me help you.’ Sheila helps me sit up and props the pillows behind me for support. ‘You really have been in the wars lately, haven’t you?’
I wonder where Alison has gone but I don’t like to ask, she’s entitled to her privacy.
