I guess she is. ‘Okay then. But I’ll lead and go backwards.’ I don’t add that it’s the most difficult position, but she raises her eyebrow again to let me know she’s guessed why I’ve made that choice. I admire how calm and confident she is. Not like Lizzie who is always convinced that the worst is going to happen at any time.
We go back in and together we lift the sofa and carry it into the conservatory, me walking backwards very slowly, as the last thing I need is to trip up and injure myself. We set the sofa down, it fills the space of both the wicker sofa and chairs but there’s still room to move around it. I wipe the back of my arm across my forehead. Then we put the chest of drawers and clothes rail in place for Judith.
‘Oh this looks wonderful.’ Judith has come out of the lounge now and is leaning on her walker in the doorway. ‘I’ll be very comfortable in here. Thank you.’
‘That’s the idea,’ Ally tells her. ‘Do you want any clothes brought down?’
‘George will see to that when he comes home. And Lizzie will pop in tomorrow and help too,’ Judith replies. ‘You both take a rest now, you’ve done enough.’
‘If you’re sure.’ I glance at my watch. It’s almost six thirty. ‘Actually I’d better get back home now, Lizzie will have the dinner ready.’
‘At least have a drink before you go. It’s thirsty work carting furniture around.’ Alison goes into the kitchen and comes back with two opened bottles of beer. ‘They’re chilled,’ she says. She looks at Judith. ‘Do you want a drink, Mum?’
‘No thanks, love. I’m going to sit in the lounge and wait for George.’ Judith leans on her walker as she goes out. I hate to see her this way, but hopefully it won’t be for long, and she’s in good hands with Alison.
I take a long swig out of the bottle, Alison does the same.
‘This takes me back,’ she says with a grin.
I nod, recalling how we always used to have a bottle of beer after we finished work. Our little ritual as we moaned about the day.
‘It does. You’ve got a good memory to remember that from all those years ago.’
‘It comes with the job,’ she says. ‘I remember everything.’
The words seem loaded. I glance at her guiltily, but she is smiling.
‘I still can’t believe that you’re a nurse,’ I say, shaking my head. ‘Who would have thought it back then when you were a goth.’
‘And I still can’t believe that you’re the Construction Manager of the company now. Who would have thought it back then when you were just a junior assistant.’ She takes another swig of beer. ‘You’ve done well for yourself, Nick.’
‘What can I say? I felt I owed it to Arthur to keep the company going.’
‘I’m sure you did.’ Our eyes meet and she holds my gaze for a moment. Panic worms its way into my stomach.
I hope I can trust Ally to keep my secret. She has the power to shatter so many lives.
18
LIZZIE
Jodie’s words have started a spiral of worry in my mind. I take some deep breaths to calm myself down.It’s all a coincidence, I repeat, a coincidence. Finally I feel a little calmer. I’ve learnt coping tactics to see me through over the years and this is one of them. Now I need to get back to work then it will be time for the school run. I log onto the site to check the ratings for the session, as I do every day.
It’s important that I deal with any complaints straight away. I’m self-employed and the ratings are visible for students to see and decide whether to book me. So far I’ve got a solid line of five stars and I’m proud of that. The knowledge that so many people are happy with my work helps me cope. I glance at my overall performance ratings then freeze as my eyes rest on a single star. And it’s been added today.
I have never had a one-star rating. Never. Who has left it and why? I’m a good tutor, I know I am, and can’t think of any instance recently when I’ve upset a student enough for them to mark me down like this.
It’s one bad rating, I remind myself,you have lots of good ones. But it niggles at me. I can’t wait for Nick to come home so that I can discuss it with him.
I pick the kids up from school and take them to the park for a while. They love playing on the swings and slide, and it burns off some of their energy and I enjoy watching them play, so happy and carefree. Like I was once.
‘Push me, Mummy!’ Grace calls. She’s sitting on a swing trying to push herself up with her feet. Isaac is on the slide, going down backwards as usual. I walk over to Grace. ‘How high do you want to go?’ I jest as I gently push her. ‘Do you want to touch the trees?’
‘Right up to the fluffy clouds!’ she giggles.
‘Mum, watch me!’ Isaac calls. He’s on the climbing frame now, swinging along the bars. I wave to him then continue pushing Grace. I love this time I spend with my children and am proud that I pulled myself up out of my despair to be a good mother to them.
I’m never going to get that low again, I vow. I owe it to my family.
