NICK
‘What a coincidence that you and Alison worked together. No wonder you were both chatting so much,’ Lizzie says as soon as we arrive back home.
There’s a miffed edge to her voice, and I glance quickly at her, but she’s turned away to see to the kids. Grace is rubbing her eyes, it’s been a long day for them. ‘It is, isn’t it? I couldn’t believe it. Sorry, if you felt a bit excluded, I didn’t mean to cut you out, it was just such a surprise to see Ally again.’ I touch her arm. ‘Shall I make us both a coffee and some hot chocolate for the kids?’
‘Yes, please. I’ll put the TV on so they can unwind for half an hour then get them in the bath and to bed.’
I put my arm around her waist and kiss her on the cheek then go into the kitchen to make the drinks. I’m glad that she’s recovered from the episode earlier. I was worried that today would be difficult for her, it’s been Lizzie and her mum ever since her dad died. If Lizzie had had her way, we would never have got our own place when we got married, but credit to Judith she insisted that she was ready to live by herself.
I put a pod in the coffee machine, spoon brown sugar into a mug and put it in place then flick the switch to start it. ThenI warm up the milk for the kids’ hot chocolate. Lizzie’s coffee is now done so I make one for myself, black and strong. The business with Alison has shaken me up a bit, and I can tell Lizzie is annoyed that I spent so much time talking to her. What was I supposed to do when her mum had just married Alison’s dad? I can hardly believe it, what a small world!
I take the tray of drinks into the lounge where the kids are sitting on the sofa. Lizzie is now in jeans and a thin jumper.
‘I had to get out of that dress.’ She glances at the drinks. ‘Thanks.’
‘I’ll take my drink up with me and get changed. Then I’ll sort the kids out and get them to bed, you relax. It’s been a big day,’ I tell her.
She smiles at me. ‘Thanks, love.’
I’m relieved to see her looking more relaxed, I think as I go up the stairs and head to our bedroom, taking off my suit and hanging it up. I know that she was anxious about today. It was hard for Lizzie when Judith met George. She struggled with how quickly her mum and George’s relationship developed and was beside herself with worry when Judith had the mini stroke, thinking she was going to lose her mum as well as her dad.
It was a stressful time for us all, and I had to admit I was relieved when George proposed even though Lizzie fretted that it was too soon. ‘Look on the positive side, George is a nice bloke, and it will be good for Judith to have someone there to look after her,’ I pointed out.
Judith told me that Lizzie was traumatised years ago, when she saw a woman die from an allergic reaction while on a school trip to an amusement park. It was that which started off her anxiety and panic attacks.
‘The poor woman choked to death right in front of a group of the kids. You can imagine the effect it had on them,’ Judith said. ‘It took Lizzie ages to get over it.’
I can imagine, what a terrible tragedy. Lizzie struggled with the trauma of her dad’s death too. I desperately wanted to take the strain from her, so have always been caring and patient, and gradually Lizzie started to relax and blossom. It was all good for a couple of years then Lizzie started teaching, and a young lad in her class had an anaphylactic shock. Lizzie reacted quickly, got his EpiPen and saved him, but it brought the other incident back and she was such a mess she had to quit teaching.
Finally, after therapy she managed to deal with it and started teaching online. It was all fine for a while then, but her anxiety was always there, a dark shadow waiting to pounce and extinguish her happiness.
Lizzie and the kids, they’re my whole life. My mum lives in France and to be honest we rarely see each other, but she’s happy and I know she would call me if she needed me.
I love Lizzie, she’s gorgeous, warm and kind but she’s such a worrier. She always thinks that the worst is going to happen. She worries constantly about the kids, about me, about everyone.
My mind turns to Ally. It was a surprise to see her again. Fancy her being George’s daughter! And a nurse too. I guess we’ve both moved on. We only knew each other for a few weeks years ago but we got on well, being the youngest ones in the company, I guess it was only natural that we should hang out together. It was before I met Lizzie and I’ve never mentioned it to her. Not that it was a hot romance between us, we were just friends, having a laugh together, and the occasional drink.
Except for that one night.
It was Ally’s last day at the company. She left the UK the next day for a gap year abroad with a couple of friends. Now she’s Alison and she’s a fully qualified nurse.
Lizzie and I didn’t do the whole ‘listing our exes’ thing. The past was the past, we both agreed. Although we did say we’dlet each other know if an ex popped up again, just to keep each other in the picture.
Alison isn’t an ex though. It was one night, years ago. There’s no need to mention it to Lizzie. She seems agitated enough about Alison being all friendly with her mum. I don’t want to add any more reasons for her to feel insecure.
All I’ve ever wanted to do is to make Lizzie feel safe and loved. I try really hard to be supportive and let her know what she means to me. I’ve tried hard to support Judith too.
But deep down inside I know that I can never make up for what I did. All I can do is hope that no one ever finds out. The only other person who knows is Alison. Thank goodness she’s going back to Spain tomorrow.
SUNDAY
10
LIZZIE
I can’t sleep. I toss and turn while Nick snores softly beside me. Eventually, as dusk begins to break, I give up, get out of bed without disturbing Nick, grab my dressing gown and tiptoe past the kids’ rooms and creep downstairs to make myself a coffee.
The house is quiet, still, and daylight is just starting to creep through the curtains. I make my coffee, strong and black, I’ll need a few cups of that to keep me alert today. I think about taking it into my Zen garden, as I sometimes do when I can’t sleep, then decide against it and instead go into the living room and sit down, opposite the Buddha painting on the wall, nursing my hot mug as I mull over the thoughts that have been whirring in my head all night. Looking at this picture always calms my mind.
