He hesitantly lowered it, then fiddled with his glasses. “I know you all know more about this than me, so take what I’m saying with a grain of salt.” I almost rolled my eyes. Hadn’t he learned anything these last few weeks? He didn’t have to couch every disagreement in caveats. “Wouldn’t the testers be skittish about appearing on camera? The fuck reports are one thing. They’re private and only used internally. Being on screen in front of hundreds of people, maybe even put on social media for the world to see in a marketing push, while talking about your sexual proclivities is another.”
“No, none of them are shy,” I said, noting the squirming discomfort taking over Hudson’s body. The tense shoulders. The hands twisting around his tablet stylus. “They get what we’re doing here and why it’s important.”
“But he’s right,” said Thomas. “Itwillbe a challenge to get guys to go on camera. We’ll need to figure out some way to convince them that it’s okay to talk about this stuff.”
“Big ask,” Hudson said.
“We’ll figure it out,” was Thomas’s reply. But he added, with a wince, “Hopefully.”
Clara nodded once, definitively putting her seal of approval on this new direction. “I think it’s an idea worth exploring. Stay on top of it.”
Mumbles of agreement from all quarters of the room.
“Excellent. If there’s nothing left to discuss, let’s go once more unto the breach.”
Eager for the catered pizza lunch Clara had arranged as a reward, the room cleared quickly. Before I could go, though, my boss took me aside.
“Scout. I mean it. You’ve exceeded all expectations. I’m proud of you. Tremendously.”
Pride welled in my chest, threatening to leave no room formore important stuff like air. Unable to take the compliment, I brushed it off.
“We’ll see how everything shakes out at OFest. I don’t want to get too cocky.”
“Pun intended?”
“Naturally.”
“Very well. How has your experiment in normality gone so far?”
“Great. I’m making friends. Doing things outside of work.”
“Seeing anyone?”
Part of me wanted to tell her. After all, she knew everything else about me. Why not this?
Easy. Because Clara was like the mirror-universe version of my parents. Affectionate and thoughtful, encouraging and accepting. Where they shared DNA, though, was in how much influence they had over me.
I wanted this for me. A relationship that I controlled and navigated—no one else. I had no doubt that if Clara knew about my relationship with Hudson, she’d go whole hog and extend his contract or start looking at wedding venues.
And if I did tell her and this ended up being just another signature Scout Porter failure, I’d wind up humiliated.
“It’s complicated” was the only reply I could give without explicitly lying.
“Ooh, so mysterious,” she crooned. “I look forward to hearing about it once it’suncomplicated.”
We both joined our colleagues for pizza, where I made a point of talking non-business with some folks I never bothered getting to know before. Every step, though, I felt Hudson’s attention on me. The only reprieve I got was when I finally fled to the bathroom, trying to tamp down the lust gripping me.
That was where Leelah found me, interrupting my peace.
“Girl. How do you expect to keep you and Hudson dating asecret when you’re constantly looking at each other withfuck meeyes?”
“First, hi. Second, no we don’t. And third, we’re not dating.”
“I bet that would be news to him.” Off my flat look, she continued. “What? You guys are going on dates. He met your parents.”
“We’ve been ondates. We’re notdating. We’re just kind of seeing each other. No labels. There’s a difference.”
“Sure, sure.” She rolled her eyes. “I forgot—everything you two do together is just foreplay for your hot-and-heavy sexual adventures.”
