“Can’t you put the laptop away for, like, asecond?”
“Why?”
“Because this isn’t what friends do. Friends don’t work through lunch, Scout. They gossip and laugh and talk shit about their coworkers.”
Not that it was worth mentioning, but now that Jared was gone, I liked our colleagues. I flipped a page in the marketing report and frowned. The campaign, which would debut at OFest in New York, was not shaping up how I wanted. “Our deadlines are agnostic on the topic of friendship. No, in fact, they’re actively hostile to the concept.”
“Scout,” Leelah groaned.
“What? We’re work-eating outside. This is practically, like, a friendship field trip for me. Now, do you have that performance data we discussed earlier? I want to rerun your numbers after I double-check the tests that Terrence proposed today—”
“No. Close your laptop.”
“But—”
“I saidclose it. I thought you were trying new things. Based on what I’ve heard, working through lunch is not new for you.”
Finally deigning to look up at her, I found my friend—still weird to think of anyone as afriend—glowering at me with a mixture of frustration and concern.
“I’m trying new things in moderation,” I explained. “I amnotletting this get in the way of The Fantasy. I’ve got to be responsible here, not go on a ‘normal human experiences’ bender and wrap my life and career around a tree.”
“That’s too many metaphors. Stick to STEM, babe. Well, STEM and sex. Howisthat going, by the way?”
Ah, so we’d reached it. Therealreason she wanted me to take my head out of work and place it firmly back into my bedroom. So she could get that sweet Hudson-and-Scout-Kissing-in-a-Tree gossip.
Heat flooded my face. I returned to my work. “Good.”
“Just good?” The wind kicked up, feathering her blowout so it perfectly framed her sneer. “What’s wrong with him, then?”
I spit out my water. “Excuse me?”
She snatched the laptop out of my hands and used the hem of her sweater to wipe it down. Clever woman. Now I’d never get it back. “If he’sjustgood, and not, like, spectacular and stunning, then he’s got to have red flags somewhere. ACAB? More like, yes, ACAB, but also AMAB. AllMenAre Bastards.”
“Bold statement coming from Miss Rom-Com. Weren’t he and I supposed to be in love by now?”
“Not yet,” she said, sounding it out like I was a small child failing a phonics lesson. “You onlyjustbroke your ‘we’re only having sex for one night’ rule. This is thegetting to know you, fun-and-games phase. You can’t expect to fall in love with him after just a week.”
“I don’t expect toeverbe in love with him,” I retorted.
“And why not?”
Because I ruin everything I touch. Because no one has ever shown me before that I’m lovable and I’m inclined to believe them, no matter what Hudson says.Because I was burned on love once; now I’m not even sure I’d know what it looks and feels like.
“About a million reasons. But…” My emotional walls tried to slam shut, but I forced myself to talk anyway. This was what friends did. She wasn’t going to be giving my laptop back, so I might as well get this off my chest. “He won’t tell me anything about himself.”
“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. What man doesn’t like to talk about himself nonstop?”
“Okay, I’m glad I’m not overreacting. Like, I asked about his ex-girlfriend, he was super cagey. I asked him what he wanted for dinner, he never gave me an opinion, just agreed with anything I offered. We talked about kinks and interests, he just said he wanted what I want.”
Leelah thoughtfully opened a candy bar and gave it a long chew before answering.
“Maybe he’s just insecure. Maybe he’s afraid if he says the wrong thing, you’ll ditch him and never look back.”
“I’m no prize. I can’t imagine anyone being sorry they missed out on me.”
She blinked at me. “Amazing. That minds can defy God to send man to space and defy man to give women the best orgasms of their lives…yet you don’t have imagination enough to think of yourself as valuable. Some inquisitive mind you’ve got there, Scout.”
Oh God. Was friendship just saying nice things about each other all the time? Abort. Abort.
