“Because last night was a lot. And it’s slightly concerning that after all that, you’re looking at an anonymous hookup site while your 3-D printer crafts a new dildo.”
10
Midnight in the Sex App of Good and Evil
Heat flooded my face as I glanced over at the machinery in the corner of the room. I’d totally forgotten it was on—or that it was building a mock-up of the latest addition to our Monster Masturbators oversized dildos collection.
“That’s not for me!” I insisted.
“The dildo or the hookup app?”
“The dildo!”
“Hey! I’m not here to judge.”
“The dildo isn’t for me,” I reiterated. “But if you’re not careful it’s going to be for you.”
He chuckled. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”
“I thought you didn’t know anything about sex toys.”
“I don’t” came his snappy retort. “But I think I’ve made it clear that I’m eager to learn.”
I couldn’t help it. I chuckled. But the chuckle quickly shifted into nervous resolve. I didn’thaveto tell him this. I probably shouldn’t have. However, Hudson had a way of making me feel comfortable. Safe. Against all odds and logic, I trusted him.
“After due consideration, I decided that your advice last night was sound. I should change my outlook a little bit.”
To my surprise, Hudson pursed his lips. Thoughtful. “You shouldn’t try to lose your virginity just because I said so. Or because Lloyd Exeter was an asshole on a podcast.”
“ ‘Asshole on a podcast’ is redundant,” I mumbled. “But that’s not why I’m doing this. I’m just…tired of living on the margins.”
He leaned over my shoulder to inspect the screen. “How’s the search going, then? Any promising prospects?”
Yes, you.
But alas, I wasn’t looking to Hudson for this. I was looking at dating apps. So even if there had been promising prospects, they didn’t matter when the one guy I wanted—but couldn’t let myself have—was so close I could feel his breath on my neck.
“I’ll just say this. If you could call a meeting of all the world’s men and teach them how to take a picturewithoutholding up a fish or a red Solo cup, that would be great.”
“I’ll get right on that. And how about this: I’m a consultant. Would it be helpful if I…consulted on this? First hit is always free.”
What the hell didthatmean? When I heardhit,my mind always went straight to sex. But surely he didn’t mean it that way.
“Or is it too weird?” Hudson asked after a beat of my silence, stepping back from my chair. “Me helping you find a guy to hook up with? I think my services would come in handy, but I’d hate to be a Jared about it.”
He could never be a Jared about anything, and his services could come in handy in manyotherways, I was sure. I focused back on the screen, scrolling down so he could scan the site.
“You have more experience picking sexual partners,” I reasoned. “And better luck, I imagine. I’d be grateful for the help.”
Another one of those sharp, longing pangs struck me. In another universe, maybe Hudson would help me. Maybe he’d cut the crap with this online hookup stuff, boost me onto my desk,and ravish me right here. Fulfill my naughty fantasies. Give me a cherry-popping I’d never forget.
A silly dream. If he’d been interested in having sex with me, he would have said so. Not offered to help me find someoneelseto get the job done.
“It’s scarier than I thought it would be,” I added. “Trying to put myself out there.”
“Firsts usually are. First time dating, first time having sex, first time making a friend. Go easy on yourself.”
I’d never been easy on myself, not for one second.
