“Besides the fact that you pushed him away at the first sign of trouble?”
I shot Addie a sharp glance. “Before that, I mean.”
“Wemighthave had a few drinks with him after you two broke up.” Off my look, Leelah added: “What? We wereworriedabout you!”
Addie took up the baton. “He mentioned entropy?”
“Right. That he wanted to tell you he loved you. And he wanted to ask you to be with him after The Fantasy rollout and his contract ended. But he was going to wait untilafterOFest because you told him that you couldn’t handle anything serious right before the launch.”
“And then when you said all that shit about him being a coward during the breakup, he decided to try and win you back…with this video thing today. He wanted to finally be honest. And boy, was he ever.”
This news rattled me. He’d been holding back because ofme? Because of some stupid offhand comment I’d made about entropy?
Because he was so kind and so good that he was willing toplay friends with benefits until after the convention just because it was what I wanted?
I twisted my hands together. “You mean…you mean he’s loved me this whole time?”
Addie boxed out a strange man approaching us for conversation. “C’mon, Scout. You’re one of the smartest people we know. Figure that one out for yourself.”
“Classic rom-com misunderstanding bullshit. Why didn’t you just communicate?”
“Not helpful, Leelah! I’ve got to go.”
“You do,” she agreed. “But first!”
She threw her arms around me, hugging me like I’d never been hugged before. It was a teenage girl hug, a hug you only saw in movies about finding yourself at cheer camp or whatever. But when Addie joined in, however reluctantly, I couldn’t help but soak in the moment.
I had friends. I’d finally opened up and found my people. My life was finally,finally, falling into place.
Damn, did it feel good.
“I love you guys,” I said, squeezing them both tighter.
Addie was the first to let go. “We love you, too. Now run. We’ll hold off this crowd of vipers.”
Over her shoulder, it felt like the entirety of OFest was waiting for their moment to pounce and monopolize my time.
“But—”
“We’ve got this! Trust us.”
She didn’t have to ask me twice. Because, I realized as I walked away, Ididtrust them. And what a beautiful feeling that was.
They reached into their shoulder bags and produced The Fantasy swag—koozies and T-shirts and scrunchies. The crowds immediately flocked right to them, giving me a chance to sneak out.
On my way, though, I passed Clara, who eyed me with her usual knowing expression.
“Clara…” I began, but trailed off when I realized I didn’t know what to say. How do you thank someone for saving you? For being there when no one else was? For walking alongside me without judgment as I figured out how to unfuck all my messes?
For being the first person who ever really loved me and saw me?
No words would ever be good enough for that.
Turned out, I didn’t need words. Clara had them. Just like she always did.
“I know, darling. I know. And you have my blessing on the new job—wherever it may be and whatever you may want to do next. Not that you ever needed it.”
She pressed a kiss on my cheek and wished me her most heartfeltnamaste. This time, I wished it right back to her. Not because I believed in her brand of spiritualism, but because I knew it would mean the world to her.
