“I met with Malcolm, by the way,” I added, trying to divert from any love talk. “You were right. We got along well. I think…I don’t want to jinx it, but I think he’s going to offer me a job.”
“He’d be crazy not to.”
We lapsed into silence. Hudson went for his pullover, which he’d left carelessly tossed over a chair yesterday. Ah, so that was why he was here. Not for me, but for that damn sweatshirt—the same one I’d borrowed during our flight from Cleveland. The one he’d given me after our first kiss.
The memory ached. An old bruise made fresh again by new pressure.
“He told me about what happened with you and your business,” I said.
Hudson’s cheek jerked. Not quite a smile. I wondered if I would ever see a smile from him again. “Malcolm’s got a big mouth. Always has.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you. You didn’t deserve that. And…I’m sorry that it’s still eating you up, all these years later. That you don’t feel safe to be yourself just because of what some assholes did to you back then.” And there it was. Laid out in front of me like a big sign that readHello pot, this is kettle…“I guess we’re not so different after all, huh? Still letting our pasts get the better of us.”
Hudson gave his head a little shake, sending a wave of his signature scent wafting on the AC right in my direction. “Not anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
“I decided to take your advice. Just like you took mine. I guesswe’ll see how it all pans out, hm?” His dimple appeared. I was gripped by the urge to kiss it. “See you around, Scout.”
Just like that, he was gone. For a moment, I hesitated, totally torpified. I wanted to run after him, to try and fix this. But it was too late.
Iwas too late.
He’d all but said he wanted to start over without me. Without the baggage of the past. I guess it was my turn to do the same.
No matter how much it hurt.
I sank into one of our chairs. There was no telling how long I wallowed there, head in my hands. But eventually, Clara materialized, breezing over to me with her usual flair, completely oblivious to my overwrought emotional state.
“So! How ready are you to crush it out there?”
“I’m having sex with Hudson Bailey.”
The confession came out like a sob—unprovoked and unstoppable. Not the way I’d planned on telling her, but there was no holding it back now.
“You’rewhat?”
When I looked up, she was blurry through my tears.
“I’m having sex with Hudson. I mean, I’m not anymore. But I’vebeenhaving sex with him. When you told me to live a little, I went out, and I did that with him, and we’ve been having sex basically since the Lloyd Exeter podcast thing. But now we’re broken up, and my world is totally upside down, and I don’t think I can go another minute without telling you, because I’ve been hiding it for so long and I still love him more than anything and I needed you to finally know.”
Slowly, Clara lifted one hand to her temple and rubbed it in tight circles.
“That was a lot of information to have thrust upon me in thirty seconds. And at eight in the morning, too.”
“I’m sorry. It’s just been weighing on me.”
“Why?”
I blinked. A few of the tears trickled down my cheeks, clearing my vision so I could see her again. Wasn’t it obvious? “Because I’m about to go out and do the biggest presentation of my life and if anything goes wrong, I need you to know that it’s my fault. I’m distracted. I’ve wrecked everything. Ialwayswreck everything.”
Her eyes snapped open, giving me the full force of her emotions. To my surprise, she wasn’t angry. She was hurt. “You donot. And when you do, you fix it. Just like this week with the couplings. I meanwhy didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want you to think I was taking my eye off the ball at work.”
“Oh no.” She snorted. “Your eyes have been very muchonthe ball. Two of them, in fact. Hudson’s.”
Cringe. “I deserve that.”
