“Because he has to make the first move.”
Addie tightened the strings of her Eras hoodie. “This isn’t the 1600s. We have feminism and dating apps. You don’t have to wait for the guy to take the lead.”
Believe me, I knew that. It was all I’d been thinking about since my EEG experiment. When he hadn’t immediately jumped on the opportunity to tell me how he felt that night over ramen, I posited that I should have confessed my feelings first.
But it wasn’t so simple as that. Not with Hudson.
“He is the worst people pleaser I’ve ever met,” I said. “Once, I ordered Thai takeout, and he literally made himself physically ill because he didn’t want to disappoint me by saying it was too spicy for him. He told me he signed up for a pyramid scheme, fully knowing it was one, because he didn’t want to hurt the essential oil lady. He’sstilltechnically a Junior Scent Queen in that company, paying money every month because he’s too afraid of what canceling will do to her downline.”
“And?”
“And if I tell him that I’m in love with him, he’d probably lie and agree just to keep the peace. Just so he wouldn’t hurt me. That’s who he is.”
“Seems like a stretch,” Addie groaned as the body scanner line inched forward.
“Have you asked him about love?” Leelah asked.
“I hinted at it once.”I don’t understand the other things I’m feeling. The things I’m feeling for you.“He didn’t bite.”
“Maybe he’s scared.”
A TSA agent waved me through. I stepped into the scanner, feeling less transparent there than I did talking with my friends.
Once we regrouped on the other side to collect our bags, I continued:
“I want him. More than anything. And I’m ready to take the leap—whatever that looks like. But until hetells mewhat he wants, I can’t risk it. I need to know that he’s genuine, not that he’s faking it to keep the peace until after OFest.”
“If only someone had an EEG machine and we could empirically see if he was telling the truth…” Leelah joked.
“We’re not hooking Hudson up to your sci-fi headband.” I’d already considered it and dismissed it as an option. He’d never agree to it. “Does it really count as a declaration of love if a machine tells me and not him?”
Our bags plodded out onto the conveyor belt—a bright purple number for Leelah, a sensible backpack for me, and a crossbody with barely enough room to fit a book for Addie. As she threw the latter over her shoulder, she asked: “What if he doesn’t confess his undying adoration for you in the next few days?”
“He will,” I said, my voice a little shaky.
“You think so?”
“That’s my hypothesis, anyway. C’mon, ladies. It’s New York City! It’s the fall. And time is running out. I believe that he does love me back. He just has to find the courage to say it out loud.”
Neither of them looked very sure. Rather, they looked about as sure as I felt. But they respectfully bowed out and we went ourseparate ways—them in search of coffee, me in search of the gate.
“Excuse me, ma’am. I think I need to pull you for a secondary search.”
I giggled as Hudson’s breath tickled my neck, spinning out of his grasp and righting my suitcase as I went. “Don’t! Clara might see.”
“What?” he said oh-so-innocently. “We’re just two colleagues messing around in the airport.”
Joining the throng, we walked past duty-free shops and cheap barbecue joints.
“Well, last time we messed around together at an airport, we ended up fucking each other’s brains out just a few days later.”
“I’m not waiting a few days this time,” he purred. “I intend to have you all over New York City as soon as possible. How much do you think we’d have to pay a cabbie to let us fool around in the back of his car?”
My stomach tightened at that mental image, but…“I wish I could. Unfortunately, I’m on a tight schedule today. I need to visit the convention center first. Get some work done.”
“Can I go with you? It’s a perfectly acceptable place for us to hang out together. Just work, you know.”
He winked at me, and I could practically read his thoughts. He wanted to go to the convention center to get some hardware or ideas for our later play. Dirty man.
