“I’m not a bad person.”
Her arms were no longer folded because she was pouting. Her arms were folded because it was her only way of defending herself. Thomas was not in the mood to coddle her, and he was slinging arrows faster than Robin Hood.
“No, you are.” His computer snapped shut, a violent, jerking reaction that made Sam jump in her seat. “You’re in Animos. They’re all bad people. That’s the basic criteria for joining.”
“You were in it.”
“I never said I was a good person, Samantha,” he growled, loud enough for her to hear but low enough to shake her to her very core.
There. If this had been a movie, the young woman would have frozen time and pulled the camera in closer, so the audience could see it. For so long, she had wondered how her straitlaced brother had ever been like the men waiting for her downstairs. But with one dark snap in his eyes, as if a menacing storm had suddenly broken through a haze of green trees, she saw it. Cruelty.
The only difference between him and Captain was that when Thomas unleashed it, he had the decency to look guilty immediately afterward. Straightening up, he tugged on the ends of his jacket, replacing his glasses on the bridge of his nose. His lips twitched into a smile, and in a flash, he became the happy-go-lucky brother she’d known for the last two years. With long strides, he crossed the room and perched on the arm of her chair, knocking into her shoulder conspiratorially.
“There’s no reason you have to keep it up. Kick them out, come to London with me.” He raised his eyebrows at her, a sure sign he was already planning whatever kind of mischief he could get them into in London. Ever since he found her in his father’s records and brought her to Oxford, he’d been trying to make up for lost time. Apparently, he’d always wanted a sister, and now that he had one, he was trying to create a lifetime’s worth of missing memories. Game nights. Pub crawls. Afternoon B-movie marathons. They’d even been to Disney World. Twice. As profound as the gestures were, her brother’s devotion wasn’t exactly helping in her quest to become the most cold-hearted bitch the Animos Society had ever seen. In fact, it was only making things harder. The temptation to abandon her father and just settle with having a brother was constant. “We’ll have a proper family vacation.”
Remember why you’re doing this. Remember why you’re doing this.
“You should have seen Dad’s face when I told him it was my Rage. It was like I’d stopped being invisible. Like he saw me for the first time.”
Her chest actually ached at the memory. This was a feeling she could allow herself to have. It only propelled her forward; it didn’t try to pin her back. Ever since arriving here, she’d fought for her father’s attention. She’d gotten distinctions and high marks at university. She’d stayed out all night and not come home for days. Bad or good, nothing ever worked at winning his attention. But when she so much as mentioned herself and Animos in the same sentence, she didn’t have to fight. For the first time, it was like he mildly enjoyed having her around. She wasn’t just a stain on his family lineage, but a contributing member of it.
“You’re putting way too much faith in Animos.” Thomas returned to packing his backpack, daintily placing his computer in its case before stowing it away.
“Only someone who always had a family would say that.”
“You’re not being fair.”
“But it’s true.” She stared at the family crest, enshrined in gold leaf on the wallpaper above his bed. Another ache. How could she finally have found a family, found a community, and still feel like an outsider? She was an outsider in the club and an outsider in her own house. But one little blue suit and a membership pin could change everything. The ache she’d been suffering could finally disappear. “I’ve never had this, Thomas. I have to try. I’d do anything to have a real family.”
“You do have a real family. You’ve got me.”
His hands were busy with packing his things, and he didn’t pick up his head to look at her. It didn’t matter. Sam heard his hurt all the same.
“But you’re not my dad,” she said, not unkindly, just trying to make him see. And it was more than wanting a father. More than family. Unfathomable though it was, considering how much they seemed to hate her, part of Sam firmly believed the clubwouldaccept her. If she could make it through to the end, she would earn their respect and their friendship. Animos friendships lasted to the grave. What wouldn’t she give for a friend? A real, true friend? Not just a brother who felt he needed to be around out of some sense of obligation?
“You’re right.” He sighed, rifling in his bedside drawers for something. “Now, I would caution you about the ball.”
“Yeah?”
“Mud Ducks are the kind of people you fall in love with.”
There it was again. A singe of cruelty, quickly replaced by guilt. It all played out on the stage of one sentence. Since Thomas wasn’t exactly candid with his memories of Animos, she couldn’t help the rush of surprise gripping her.
“Didyou?”
Clothes flew into his bag with uncharacteristic carelessness. His spine stiffened. “Listen.” His bag zipped shut. He slung it over his shoulder. Something told Sam this wasn’t something she had the right to ask about. “Be careful, little sister.”
The clock above the fireplace rang out the hour.Nine a.m.Sam expected her brother to leave, to sweep her into a warm hug and dash off to London while warning her about the perils of her decisions, but he didn’t. Instead, his hands found their home in his pockets, and he planted himself in the middle of his room with a troubled look on his face.
“Hey,” he said, furrowing his brow. “Did they do anything to your pictures last night?”
A fresh wave of shame fell over her, like walking through a carwash filled with thick, hot pond scum.
She shrugged, not daring to show him how she felt inside. “Yes.”
“Here.”
She blinked. A stack of thin photographs appeared in the center of her vision. She snatched them, scanning through the pile, feeling their weight in her hands. They were her pictures. All there, in shitty, oranging, disposable camera colors. Her mom. She and her mom. Her mom and Lord Dubarry kissing.
