My heart lightened, especially since I knew what would happen once I touched the water. I wouldn’t turn back into a mermaid, but I’d be able to see where my home was. And once I knew that, I could summon sea creatures to help me get home.
Home.A lump formed in my throat. Was it home without him?
What about Humu and Mo? Wouldn’t I be happy to see them, and them to see me?
The king’s hands held my waist as he helped me dismount. Ezra had been unusually quiet, and the koa tree walls in his mind were extra sturdy. Did I do something wrong? Was I too much?
Probably.I’d always been too much for everyone, a reality that began to sink in deeper and deeper. And because I was too much, I didn’t belong.
I never did.I had to leave. Ezra’s island was doing much better, especially after Kalei and I went to the worst spots and I sang to the birds and trees in my mind.
But I had to get home.
For a moment, Ezra didn’t take his hands off my waist. He looked into my eyes, his green ones swimming in grief. I offered a small smile, then walked towards the water. The smell of salt and the sound of the crashing waves filled the air. Nostalgia, which I had bottled up, finally came loose because I hadn't been here in so long.
Ezra waited back, watching as I touched the water. I stepped in, feeling it swirl around my ankles. Shaking my head, because it did not feel familiar, not even a strand of it, I went in deeper, until I finally submerged myself under it.
The water here was warm and crystal clear, even in the moonlight. My hair floated around me and I listened. Felt. Sensed.
The currents were not strong here, and the waves were calm. I expanded my mind, moving past coral reefs, large whales, distant islands, and sandy beaches hundreds of miles away. I searched for the Coral Realms, the Pearl Realms, even the briney depths where King Malinoakea lived.
But there was nothing.
No mermaids. No underwater kingdoms. I reached out to the currents, begging them to tell me of underwater mermaid worlds, but they shrugged me off. The fish darted away, not used to their minds being touched by one like me.
The water did not pull me home, just as it did for all mermaids who swam too far.
This is not my sea.
And it didn’t even connect to my sea.
That’s when it hit me like tumbling down a wave.
I’m not going home,I whispered, my breaths shallow and short.Ezra… I’m not going home. It’s not connected. This is not my sea. This isn’t my world…I wasn’t crying, I was panicking, my blood rushing, my heart racing.
Ezra held me as I shook. “Then this is home,” he said, but I turned away and shook my head, grabbing my hair and looking around.
I’m going to die, Ezra.I felt it closing in: turning to sea foam, all alone in a world that wasn’t mine…
What have I done?I raced to the shore and began pacing.
“Aulani.” Ezra approached but I pushed his hand away, my thoughts swimming faster than a fish escaping a shark. “It’s going to be alright.”
It’s not going to be alright…My sea. My home. It was not here. And because there was absolutely no way to get back, I was going to die.
I never should have left… never should have taken the potion…
“Aulani…”
No, Ezra! Please!I stood before him, and that’s when tears stung my eyes, causing him to blur before me.Please give me a moment. Go back to the palace and take care of things. I just… I need to be alone.
Because this was breaking me. Us. His expression fell and he nodded, stepping back.
I watched as he walked away along the beach, his footsteps in the sand, washed away by the waves.
I don’t belong here. I don’t belong anywhere–not the ocean, not this world, not beside Ezra.I swiped my hands through my hair and fell to the sand.And because I thought I could belongsomewhere–because I thought things were better elsewhere, I lost everything.
Then the thought returned, one that kept repeating itself over and over in my mind, an image of sea foam floating on the water’s surface.And I’m going to die…
