His phone began to ring, and he answered it as the driver pulled up outside work. “Hey, Jon. I’m just walking in to work. What’s up?”
“I’m at work.”
Jonathan’s typical banter was nonexistent, instantly alerting him to a problem. “Is something going on?”
“Listen, Ciar. I hate asking you this, but if it’s true, and you played Gray, I’m not sure how we’ll move past it.”
Ciar lost all mobility in his limbs. Thankfully, outside Anders’ office stood several metal benches, and he dropped onto one.
“You were seen by someone in London with a baby. Did you have a baby with a woman and not bother to tell Gray? I’m trusting you, Ciar, to tell me true.”
His heart pumped so ferociously that he feared a heart attack. His guts were cramping, and bile rose to his throat.
What the hell did he expect? Secrets never stay secret.
Had he still been holding out hope for a happily ever after with Gray? Yes. Every time he had mentally walked through “the talk” with Gray, laid himself bare, there had only been one outcome in his mind. Total rejection.
Not hearing her tell him she was through was better than hearing it, and so he lived in limbo and forced Gray into the same.
The time for hiding was over.
Jonathan knew Ciar wouldn’t lie to one of his oldest friends. Omitting the truth for months was bullshit enough. Outright lying wasn’t who he was.
“I do. A daughter. I found out after Colorado.”
“Fuck, man. What the actual fuck?” Jonathan was pissed.
“Why didn’t you tell Daniel and me? Why the fuck didn’t you tell Gray?” Before he could answer either of those questions, he said, “Wait. Are you with the mom?”
“No. We were never together. And I didn’t tell anyone because I’m a fucking idiot coward,” he growled.
“I didn’t want to lose Gray, but I lost her anyway. I’ve messed up, Jon, in every which way that I can. I miss my friends, especially you and Daniel, but I don’t know how to breathe without Gray.”
Ciar heard Jonathan cursing in the background, like he’d taken his phone from his ear. “Talk to me, Jon. I’m sorry. For all of it. Not for my daughter, but the rest…”
“Listen,” Jonathan finally started, “I’m happy for you. Happy about the baby. Gray though. You hurt her, Ciar, and no matter what you say, what your reasons are, you hurt one of our best friends.
“She left her friends and family for six weeks because of you, and if we’re being completely honest, it wasn’t only the past three and a half months. It was four and a half. You pulled away from her, from all of us, the day after Colorado.
“We’ve always been more family than friends, but Christ, Ciar. What now?”
Ciar felt tears prick his eyes and pressed his fingers into them, hoping physical pain would counteract the emotional kind.
“I’ve asked myself every day how I saw all this going. I’ve had months of could-haves and should-haves. I’ve become a man I don’t even recognize.
“There isn’t anyone I’ve not disappointed. Everything snowballed into the shitstorm that I live in every day. I used to believe I could fix things. Now, I don’t know.
“The house I bought for Gray and me sits finished and waiting, and yet we haven’t laid eyes on each other for months.”
“I thought Gray halted work on the place. At least that’s what Mags said.”
“She did. I rehired everyone. It’s done.”
“And yet, you’re living a secret life in London. Why couldn’t you have told Gray? You weren’t with the baby’s mother. You didn’t cheat on her. She would have understood.”
To make Gray understand, he would have to talk about things that he never had. Or wanted to. That he refused to do even now, though it was costing him everything.
“She’s home. Tell her, or I will.”
