I forced away every image that kept trying to push to the surface, knowing letting myself entertain the possibility that Mallory was pregnant would only destroy me if she wasn’t.
Who was I kidding? It’d destroy me regardless, because pregnancy and kids were the last thing she wanted. I just didn’t know what would happen if shewas.
But I refused to go down that road right then.
With another pained swallow, I said, “We need to know for sure.”
“Agreed.”
Mallory’s head snapped to the side at Briggs’ rough voice, but I just stared at her profile before her horrified expression shifted back to me.
Clearing my throat, I said, “This conversation wasn’t meant for you yet.”
“You forget how quickly y’all start yelling. The entire office heard you,” Briggs informed me unapologetically, prompting Mallory to shut down in front of me. “Monroe, he didn’t say anything the rest of us wouldn’t say. We all respect you—clearly. We all know what you’re capable of because we’ve been in the thick of it with you. I wouldn’t have given you this position if I didn’t think you could handle it. But if you’re pregnant?” A grunt rumbled from him. “Every one of us will physically keep you from this job.”
Mallory just stood stiffly in my arms, staring blankly at me.
“Briggs, I still need to talk to my wife,” I said softly, pleadingly.
His only response was to silently slip away, without argument that time.
Taking my time to study the emotionless mask in front of me, I gave another gentle sweep along Mallory’s jaw and whispered, “We just need to know.”
At that, her expression faltered. Dread and confusion and embarrassment stole across her beautiful face before she focused on me. “I’m not,” she breathed, but it sounded like she was willing it to be true.
“Then we’ll know.”
Icouldn’t breathe.
I couldn’t figure out how to make my lungs work as my heart tripped all over itself and emotions crashed through me—too powerful and chaotic to sort through or grasp.
Terror, wonder, disbelief, joy, worry...I was sure those were in there, but I couldn’t really be sure of anything at the moment. Not when I was experiencing everything so forcefully. Not when it felt like I’d just endured the most insane whiplash.
All from something I hadn’t even known there’d been a potential for until this morning. And now, there it was. The proof of a night I couldn’t remember. The result of something I hadn’t been anticipating.
Two pink lines.
Even though there were pressing things that needed all our attention at the office, Briggs had canceled the morning meeting for the first time ever to send Mallory and me right back out of Shadow. With a knowing look from her to me, he’d said,“Let me know if y’all aren’t making it back today,”before heading to his office.
Mallory hadn’t spoken throughout the drive to the store or to her condo, but when I’d reached over to rest a hand on her thigh, she’d gripped it like a lifeline. It was the only thing I’d taken comfort in during the excruciating minutes when she’d locked herself in her bathroom.
I gripped the bathroom counter as my stare swept over the test again.Pregnant.
“We weren’t allowed to talk about it,” Mallory said numbly.
My head tipped her way, but I still couldn’t seem to form any kind of response.
But she went on without any further prompting from me. “We weren’t allowed to talk about anything that wasn’t training and battle strategies and war.”
Her family.
Right.
“So, there wasn’t—I didn’t...” She waved a hand over her body before letting it fall heavily to her side. “Even with my mom, I couldn’t talk to her when things started happening or changing, I just had to figure it out. Searched her bathroom and stole things from her until she realized she needed to buy them for me. But even then, it wasn’t mentioned.” She weakly lifted a shoulder.
“And I knewhowto get pregnant because people talk and because of health class, but that was all.” She swallowed thickly, embarrassment seeping through her stone-like exterior. “That was all I knew. The only time it was mentioned in my family was to tell me I wouldn’t be welcome home if I ever found myself pregnant. But the rest?”
A self-deprecating laugh tumbled from her as she turned tear-filled eyes on me. “I’m clearly the most incompetent female to ever female, Gray. I can’t do this. I don’t know anything about—” she faltered as she scrambled for words. “Anything. I don’teven know my own body. Ican’t do this,” she repeated through clenched teeth.
