But the corner of my mouth twitched as I thought about that day now. “Because a violent blonde showed up one day, threatening my life, and I suddenly saw the world differently.”
A strained laugh bled from her as her head fell, but I just pressed my forehead to hers again as I continued.
“I’d never considered a future past the military. I hadn’twantedone. For more years than I want to admit, I hadn’t seen a reason to live. Then one look at you, and it was like a fog had been lifted from my world. One mostly hostile conversation, and I could see a future—a life—I wanted more than anything.” Brushing a thumb across her cheek, I added, “You didn’t know because you changed everything that day.”
I felt the tilt of her lips before they tugged into a frown. “And what if—” Her head shifted against mine. “Gray, what if we hadn’t ended up together?”
“That isn’t—no.” Sitting back enough to search her stare when I tipped her head back, I reminded her, “We weren’t together for over eleven years. We were separated for more than a year when you were still in the military. That didn’t changeanything for me. These last three months didn’t change anything for me,” I told her earnestly.
Keeping my stare locked on hers, I made sure she heard the honesty and depth of every word when I added, “My will to live doesn’t rest on you loving me. My struggles with depression aren’t determined by you being with me, or being at my side, even though I’ve done everything to keep you close, because I didn’t just fall in love with you; I found my best friend in you.
“But I was rocked so completely by something as simple and remarkable asyou,” I explained in the only way I knew how. “And in that moment, I knew I would do anything to continue experiencing a life that could make me feel the way I did when you first looked at me. So, I’ve fought to. I’ve craved every part of my life since then, even the bad, because there’s no escaping it.” I searched her watery stare for long moments before whispering, “Truly falling in love with you was an added gift, even when I thought it wouldn’t go anywhere.”
A few rogue tears slipped down her cheeks and over my hands. “The privilege of your life?” she asked as a shaky smile tugged at her mouth.
My brow furrowed as she took deeply buried thoughts straight from my mind.
Just as I started asking how she’d known, she said, “You told me that night.” Her head slanted in my hands. “You said loving me from a distance had been the privilege of your life so far. Then you said, ‘Calling you my wife?’ and that’s when everything happened. I don’t think you ever finished that thought.”
A rumble of acknowledgment built in my throat, even as I tried searching for any hint of that night, just as I had when she’d been explaining everything earlier.
But all I remembered, still, was the moment we’d made it into the room.
“I don’t know what I’d been saying,” I finally admitted, “But nothing compares to calling you my wife.”
A soft smile tugged at the corner of her mouth before she reached for me, gripping at the front of my shirt as she studied my face. “Please tell me if you have bad days. Tell me if—just tell me. I’m here. I’ve always been here, even when—” She gave a helpless shrug. “Just, please, don’t hide it from me. Don’t take yourself from me.”
ThisMallory . . .
If this was what I’d been met with in Aruba, it was no wonder I’d married her right then. Every time she surprised me this way, I wanted to get down on my knee and beg her to marry me all over again. Threat of her punching me, and all.
“Told you,” I muttered as I tugged at the part of her mouth that had been tipped up just moments before, “the world would need to tear me from you now.”
“You stopped calling meMonroe,” Mallory blurted out when I pulled into my spot at Shadow, making me miss the gear shifter when I reached for it.
She’d been silent throughout the drive to the office. But this silence hadn’t made my chest tighten with dread the way the past three months had. This had been the kind of contemplative silence that followed heavy conversations like we’d had outside her condo. Filled with looks that had alternated between faraway and considering as she’d slowly picked at the bagel I’d grabbed on my way to get her—her iced grassy drink sitting forgotten in the cupholder.
“What?” I asked as I finally put the car in park.
Tipping her head in my direction, she eyed me for a moment before glancing at the building. “You keep calling me Mallory. Why?”
“Does it bother you?” I asked instead and watched as a subtle blush crept into her cheeks.
“No. But it’s new.”
Acknowledgment rumbled in my chest as I reached out to brush a knuckle along the heat in her cheek, a smile breaking free when she smacked my hand away.
“Don’t start,” she warned, but the corner of her mouth was twitching with her own amusement.
“Didn’t say anything, Princess.”
Her mouth fell into a frown before her expression smoothed out intonothing. “Don’t call me that.”
My brows furrowed at the hushed plea.
Mallory had hated every name I’d tossed her way from day one. She’d warned me against every one too. But she’d never responded likethat. Like it was more than just irritation for a nickname—like she was defeated by it.
“Okay,” I muttered, the word a soft vow. “I won’t.”
