Over the months, I’d tried making myself believe I’d loosened up even more since Mallory had been drinking with me, but I knew that was wrong. I knew I would’ve been just as careful. Maybe even more so, because I would’ve been watching out forher.
Except, I hadn’t.
Closing the small distance between us, I crouched in front of her and waited until those blue eyes locked on me. Sliding my hands up her thighs, I held her tightly as I spoke. “I should’ve stopped us because you deserved more than a forgotten night. You deserved everything, and I’m sorry. Regardless, knowing what happened doesn’t create expectations.Last nightdidn’t create expectations.”
Her brow furrowed just slightly, but I continued before she could ask.
“We won’t sleep together until you’re ready. And if you decide you’re not ready tofall asleepnext to each other, then we won’t repeat last night. You’ll go back to your room, and I’ll stay on the couch.”
A nearly imperceptible hum of understanding rose in her throat as her eyes darted between mine, studying them. “And if I want my condo to myself?”
My chest tightened at the thought, but I just forced my head into a subtle bob as I thought of how to answer. “People don’t usually live apart when they’re married, Mallory. If that’s what you want, then you should go through with annulling our marriage.”
“I think after everything yesterday, you know I don’t want that.”
“But you don’t want to live together,” I countered.
Her head tilted as she continued studying me, her expression giving nothing away. “I didn’t say that. I was seeing how far you were willing to step back.” A wave of unease passed across herfeatures and was gone just as quickly before she conceded, “But itissudden, especially after...” She blew out a quick breath. “Well, after everything. And I don’t know how to do this.”
Surprise pulsed from me at the last admission.
I wasn’t sure I’d ever heard Mallory admit she didn’t know how to do something.
Instead of pointing that out, I asked, “Definethisfor me.”
Definethis?
How was I supposed to define literally every single part of a relationship I didn’t know how to have? How was I supposed to define all the ridiculous parts of being a woman I apparently failed at daily?
I didn’t know how to doanyof this.
Ever since I’d woken in Gray’s arms this morning, long before he’d shifted and found the ring I’d successfully kept hidden for months, I’d been in my head, slowly torturing myself. After our conversation, those thoughts had only turned more rampant.
What if we still fight all the time? I know what I told him and what he said to Briggs, but is it weird to physically fight now that we’re...I don’t know...different?
Am I supposed to be all swoony and lovey around him, the way Chloe and Lainey get around the guys? Wait, have I been like that? Oh no...
And am I expected to kiss him every time I see him? Actually, can I kiss him all the time? Because, after last night...yes, please.
Am I just expected to change my last name now? Not that I hated the rush I got when he called me Mrs. Gray...but still. Is that what he expects? Would I even care? The nameMonroemeans nothing to me.
Goodness,whydidn’t my parents or my life prepare me for this?
What if Gray’s disappointed by how terrible I am at literally every part of this? What if he regrets it? Regretsme?
What if I push him away without even trying?
Seriously, being a girl is the worst.
Just as I felt myself mentally shutting down, one of Gray’s large hands curled around my cheek, prompting me to look at him.
“Need you to talk to me before we send ourselves back to the place we just got out of,” he gently begged, his pale eyes searching mine. “Even if that means you’re not ready to live together.”
Every insecurity rushed to the surface and gathered on my tongue, but I struggled to push back the thoughts consuming my mind and tried thinking of anything else to tell him.
But the hesitation and seconds spent trying not to let those damaging thoughts break free had Gray’s hand falling away. Resignation and disappointment swept across his features before he could hide them.
“I’m worried I’ll disappoint you,” I blurted out, prompting his brows to lift in surprise and question. “I don’t know how to do any of this, and I’m worried I’ll do or say the wrong thing, like right now.” A self-deprecating laugh tumbled free. “I don’t know how to live with anyone, and it scares me to let anyone into my space—even you. Even though, honestly, you’re the only one I’d probably have ever considered allowing in here, and you’re already here. And, yes, it does feel fast because we were barelytalking yesterday, but I’m afraid of pushing you even further away because pushing you awayhurts.”
