Shock stole through me at the assumption that was delivered with every confidence, as if he’d somehow known without needing me to confirm where my thoughts had gone.
But even as wonder started weaving through all that surprise, I couldn’t help but notice the pain still lingering in Gray’s eyes as he quickly pulled back and glanced away, like he no longer knew how to even be near me.
Funny how I’d felt the same at the festival, yet at the same time, I’d been—and still was—wholly wrecked because I didn’t know how to live without Hudson Gray.
I’d already tried for three months, and it’d turned me into the worst version of myself.
Gray cleared his throat before tipping his head in my direction. “Ready?”
“For what?”
The corner of his mouth twitched into a brief, weighted smile as he looked more fully at me and caught me up on what I must have missed when I’d gotten trapped in all those feel-good memories. “I’m gonna take you home, then see if Briggs will let me come back and help out for a few days, since I’m on a desk anyway.”
I swallowed past the knot that had formed at some point between Gray shifting away from me and realizing that everyone else in the kitchen had fallen uncomfortably silent as they watched us. “Help out with the potential Donut?” WithTessa? At his confirming grunt, I gave a subtle shake of my head and offered, “I should do it. I’m off for two weeks anyway.”
Gray’s lips parted to argue, but he pressed them firmly together and glanced at the people gathered around us before jerking his head just past me. “We’ll be back,” he muttered to his cousins and their wives as he started past me, not waiting to see if I would follow.
But years ofusmeant I did without hesitation.
As soon as I stepped onto the porch and into the oppressively humid air from the overcast day, Gray stepped close and reminded me, “You’re onlyoffbecause you’re trying to quit.”
I lifted my chin and countered, “Still free to do whatever. Which means, I can do this.”
His head bobbed a few times before he challenged, “And why would you want to?”
“Why wouldn’t I?” I shot back, only to continue without thinking. “This is what I do.”
Gray’s expression slowly shifted into something like hope as he waited for me to realize what I’d just admitted to.
But I’d heard the words as they’d left me. I’d clamped my mouth shut as soon as I’d finished speaking and had been clenching my teeth since.
Instead of calling me out on the slip, Gray said, “Let me rephrase, Peach...Why would you want to takethisone?” Before I could respond, he took a step closer, so we were nearly touching, and lowered his voice. “Why don’t you wantmeto take it?”
I held his stare, fully aware he already knew why: because I’d been subjected to his past with Tessa more times than I cared to remember. Usually by way of her recalling their nights together in front of me, but also because the girl liked to make Gray catch her, similar to today, and wasn’t afraid to show exactly how much she’d missed him.
But my wounded heart and guarded self didn’t know how to admit any of that.
“Because I’m already off, and you aren’t.”
His head subtly bobbed before the softest pressure skimmed across my palm, stealing my breath and lighting up every nerve ending all over again.
And I went utterly still so I wouldn’t do something I’d regret. Like shove him away...or turn into Tessa. I just existed in this moment where Hudson Gray was tormenting me with feather soft touches and looking at me like I was the only one hewantedto look at.
When Gray spoke next, his voice was a rough whisper. “Tell me the real reason, Mallory.”
My heart gave another one of those traitorous hiccups at the sound of my name before taking off in a full sprint, because I had no idea what would leave my lips when they parted.
Because the real reason was purely selfish, and I was terrified for him to know it. I was terrified for him to know I hated every woman he’d chosen over me, and that I’d hate knowing he was here, in Amber, with Tessa—the only woman I knew of who he’d gone back to again and again.
And yet, as my mouth finally opened with a breath that felt like defeat, that was the only thought on my mind.
But just as the first words started scraping up my constricted throat, Gray’s phone rang. Snapping me from the moment and forcing me back a step as I slid my hand from his.
Other than the slight hardening of his jaw, Gray didn’t move. But the disappointment that flashed through his eyes said everything and had my stomach dipping with that storm of emotions I’d been trapped in for days now.
It didn’t matter that I’d wanted these little touches for far too long, or that I’d wanted him to look at me the way he had been. This was Gray...Gray. I’d been forced to watch him with so many others over the years when I’d beenright there.
Gray reached into his pocket long enough to decline the call. But in the time it took him to run a hand through his hair and release an uneasy breath, his phone began ringing again.
