I didn’t respond, just studied his profile as I waited for his reaction.
I didn’t have to wait long.
Seconds later, Gray’s head slanted as he blinked exaggeratedly, conveying the same bemusement still coursing through me.
That vulnerable feeling burned hotter until it felt like it was choking me as I waited for him to do something. Say something.
“Tell me it’s fake,” I begged, silently cursing the waver in my voice. “Tell me I read it wrong.”
“Wait...” A small huff tumbled past his lips as they quirked into the barest hint of a smirk, but everything about the sound and the slant of his mouth screameddisbelief. “That’s, uh...that’s—” He reached for the paper but, like me, didn’t touch it as he gave a little shake of his head. “That’s us.”
“It can’t be real,” I claimed, even though there wasn’t an ounce of confidence in my body. “Right?”
Gray’s attention shifted my way, his brow furrowed as he studied me, before returning to the paper. He dragged a hand over his face, lingering as he passed his mouth, his eyes quickly darting over the typed and written words.
The longer he studied the paper, the sicker I felt as the chaotic storm of emotions inside raged stronger and stronger.
Denial, confusion, longing, panic, regret, loathing, shame . . .somuch shame.
I’d never understood the wholefight-or-flight responsebefore this morning because the only option growing up had beenfight. But I understood it now. Ifeltit now—that need to run from this and Gray and whatever he was thinking.
And he only knew half of it.
Just as I wondered if he’d let me get away with locking myself in the bathroom, a sigh slipped from him with the words, “Looks real,” and I reacted without thinking.
Swinging for his jaw and clipping the side of his head instead when he tried dodging.
Gray’s face pinched in obvious discomfort, but I needed him tohurt. A need that only grew when he smirked at me through the pain and said, “You know I love when you get violent.”
An infuriated sound tore from my throat. “What’d you do?” I demanded as I swung at him again.
But he was ready that time, gripping my forearm to stop me, leaving my fist just inches from his smirking face.
It only fueled the storm of emotions at once weighing me down and amping me up.
“Me?” He choked out something resembling a laugh as his grip momentarily tightened. “Your signature’s on there too.”
“But I—” Panic and denial unfurled inside me because I had every bit of proof that the events of last night had happened, but this couldn’t be real.
I’d kept my heart from every other man because they weren’t Hudson Gray...
I’d kept my heart guardedfromhim because he had the ability to hurt it, and often did, even if he didn’t know it...
But even if I thought I could get the chance to spend the rest of my life with Hudson Gray, I didn’t know if the taunting wraiths clinging to me would let me, because some memories just wouldn’t stay buried.
Wandering hands and forceful touches of men who’d thought they were allowed access to me. Countless taunts informing me I was “too cold and harsh” to ever be considered anything other than “one of the guys.” Gray’s attention catching on every beautiful woman he saw...
While some encounters were easy to ignore, others lingered. Being repeatedly told you were unwanted because of the way you were was sure to leave damaging scars on anyone. Having afront-row seat to the man you loved hitting on more women than you could keep track of only added to that insecurity.
“Oh, cheer up, Monroe,” one of the guys I graduated BUD/S with said as the other graduates laughed over the idea of me settling down one day. “You might make a pretty prop for someone someday.” He made a doubtful face, even as he gave me a heated once-over and raced a hand up the back of my thigh. “As long as you keep your mouth shut and fists down.”
I broke his nose in response.
“I would’ve never,” I finally continued as I forced the memory from my thoughts, my voice sounding oddly strangled. “I mean, I don’t even remember—and it’syou.”
“Wow, thanks, Princess.” Dull sarcasm laced Gray’s words as he let my arm fall. “Tell me how you really feel.”
My eyes had narrowed as soon as the namePrincessleft him. But even though a reminder of how much I hated that nickname was on the tip of my tongue, an accusation left me instead. “How could you let this happen?”
