Stevie knew this was a bad sign.But she threw herself deeper into her music life.Grayson came to the burger place less and less often, maybe because she wasn’t as receptive to him, and maybe because his father didn’t like him staying out late.They never talked about it.
One day, Stevie woke up and realized she hadn’t seen Grayson in nearly two weeks.The fact of this hit her like a ton of bricks.She walked to work, blinking out at a future that didn’t include Grayson at all.Was this really the ending of her first brilliant love?
It was on this walk to work that Stevie saw the billboard.
There they were at ten feet tall: handsome Grayson and his salt-and-pepper-haired father, the spitting image of Grayson but twenty-five years older.On the billboard, they stood beside one another, smiling out at the city streets.They looked moneyed and intellectual, entirely the opposite of what Stevie knew.At that moment, she knew she could never see Grayson again.She knew she could never walk down that street again.
Stevie was never sure when the pregnancy symptoms really began.At first, she abruptly stopped liking the taste of beer and didn’t drink at all.Soon after, she had stomach problems, aches and pains and heartburn.She chalked it up to nerves.But when she realized she hadn’t had a period in six weeks, maybe longer, she panicked.She knew what her body was telling her.But she didn’t want to listen to it.
For a little while, she pretended it wasn’t happening.She didn’t try to contact Grayson because she didn’t want him to drop the pretenses of his super-important life for her and their baby.She was mildly surprised that he didn’t come into the burger place at all, but soon let that disbelief go.When she learned that he’d returned to Paris with his father, she wept with a mix of relief and sorrow.She was grateful that she wouldn’t have to run into him on the streets of Manhattan.But she hated that they hadn’t been allowed the chance their love should have given them.
Stevie left Manhattan after people figured out she was pregnant.Whispers circulated about her, suggesting she was a particular kind of girl.She stopped performing on stage and quit writing songs.She called in sick one too many times at the burger place and was eventually fired.When Ella came to her apartment to check on her, Stevie had her roommates tell her that she wasn’t there.Ella left note after note:I know you’re avoiding me.Tell me what’s going on.I’m here.But Stevie refused to answer them.
Stevie left Manhattan without a real destination in mind.It was frigid, and she wanted to find the sunshine.She embarked across the continent, tears staining her cheeks, her hands cupping her pregnant stomach.She was a young mother against the world.She was a musician who’d lost her voice.
ChapterSixteen
An hour before the Christmas party, Ella and Laura were upstairs at the Copperfield House, fixing their lipstick and hair and decompressing after a long afternoon of setting up.Greta had been merciless until she’d found perfection.From downstairs came the sound of Christmas music, playing cheerily from the big speakers that Greta had bought especially for the party.“Have a Holly, Jolly Christmas” was on now.
Laura crashed onto the guest bed, the same bed that had been Ella’s as a teenager, and closed her eyes.In her dark red velvet dress—her belly still flat despite the pregnancy—she looked sleek and young and sophisticated.Ella sat at the edge of the bed and cupped her daughter’s ankle.She knew how emotionally devastating the past few months had been for Laura.She hoped that this tender time on Nantucket had been healing.There had been numerous movie nights, and countless dinners with Ella and Will and the grandparents and the cousins.Throughout, Ella had watched her daughter like a hawk, praying she was all right.
But was anyone “all right” while they were pregnant?It was so overwhelming.
“Mom, I need to tell you,” Laura croaked, her eyes still closed.“Vinny reached out.”
Ella’s heart seized.“When did this happen?”
“Last night.”Laura’s voice was soft, demure.“He says he misses me.He says he wants to reconnect.”
Ella ached with worry.What if Vinny steals Laura and the baby away?
“What do you want?”Ella asked.And then, before Laura could answer, she asked, “Did you tell him about the baby?”
“I haven’t responded yet,” Laura admitted.“But I’m having second thoughts about keeping the baby a secret.I think he deserves to know.”
Ella bowed her head.“Bringing a baby into the world is an enormous thing.”
“That’s the understatement of the century.”Laura laughed and sat up, scooting over to put her head on Ella’s shoulder.“I don’t want him to change his life for the baby and me.I don’t want him to not chase his dreams just because of all of this.”
“But what about your dreams?”Ella asked.“What about grad school?”
“The thing about being pregnant,” Laura continued, “is that I feel all my priorities stacking up.I’m letting so many things fall away, things that never mattered to me.I think I’ve learned more about philosophy as a pregnant woman than I ever did from the pages of a book.It makes me think that most philosophers should have been women.We have the secret to life.The old philosophizing men can only talk and write and talk and circle the idea of life.They don’t know anything about it.Not like we do.”
Ella’s stomach tightened with intrigue.What had made her children so brilliant?Before she could answer, though, the door swung open, and in came Danny, her other bright light in the world.
“I think the first guests are here,” Danny said, tugging at his itchy sweater, the one his grandmother had asked him to wear.“Grandma wants everyone downstairs.”
“They’re early!”Laura said.But she popped up swiftly and followed her brother to the staircase.“Let’s face the music.”
Ella lagged behind, watching her children whisper secrets to one another and laugh.As she padded down the steps, she inhaled the delicious smells of cinnamon and nutmeg and allspice and orange.Greta had spent countless hours baking and cooking and preparing.Eventually, because she’d decided they were insufficient, she’d fired the caterers and told everyone she wanted to do everything herself.When the party was over, Ella knew Greta would charge directly into preparations for their Copperfield family Christmas.She had more energy than anyone Ella knew.
Downstairs by the Christmas tree, Stevie stood in an emerald dress, her dark blond hair in a dramatic wave down her back.Ella hadn’t seen her since their rehearsal yesterday afternoon, during which Stevie had acted strangely and asked Ella, “What do you remember about my daughter’s father?”
Ella had shrugged, diving through her foggy memories, and said, “That wealthy guy who always came around the burger place?That was him.Wasn’t it?”But Ella couldn’t remember the guy’s name.Stevie had left New York City when they were twenty years old—long before so much of Ella’s Manhattan life had even happened, before their band had taken off.
Ella questioned if Stevie regretted never telling him about her baby, about the life they could have had together.She wondered where he was now.
Now, Stevie wrapped her arms around Ella and whispered into her ear, “Will says that guy is coming to the party.Grayson Harris?”
