Camille laughed.“I don’t know about that.The story I’ve always heard is that you didn’t want to be with Mama.That you left her behind.”
“We broke up,” Grayson affirmed, scratching his chin.He was embarrassed to realize that he’d forgotten to shave since coming to Paris.He probably looked like a schlub.“We were young.Twenty-four or so.We realized we didn’t have anything in common and parted ways.”
“That’s when you went to New York,” Camille said.“The first time.”
“Yes,” Grayson said.He wasn’t sure where all these questions were coming from, nor why his daughter was suddenly so curious about his past.
“And the minute you broke up again, you wanted to go back to New York?”she asked.
“I wanted to try it again,” Grayson admitted.“It was calling to me.”
“And your environmental company,” Camille said.
Grayson searched for a hint in her voice that she was making fun of him.Normally, that was her thing: a French girl, teasing him, making him feel less than.But he couldn’t find it.
“Do you think it’s foolish to try to build a better world?”he asked his daughter.
Camille turned to look at him head-on.Just as he’d seen in her social media photograph, she’d lost quite a bit of weight.Her cheeks were hollow and dark.It worried him.
“I think it’s the only thing we can do,” Camille said.“Yet I can’t help but think it’s too late.”
“What’s the use in saying it’s too late?”Grayson asked.
“I know.You have all your talking points ready,” Camille said.“I’ve seen your interviews.I’ve read the articles about you.”She swallowed.“I also saw the paparazzi photos of you next to the private plane.Old habits die hard, don’t they?”
To Grayson’s surprise, he didn’t get angry.Too much had happened, and he didn’t want to blame her for having taken the plane.He loved her too much.“I don’t want to do that again,” he said.“I want to be calculated and sure about how I spend my money.I want to know how I’m building a better world.I want…”
“Control.You want control.Just like everyone.”Camille raised her hands over her head, stretching out her back and shoulders.“Who can blame you?”
Grayson felt it like a punch in the stomach.She sees right through me, he thought.
“You never would have come back to Paris if it weren’t for me,” Camille said then.
Grayson wasn’t initially sure if she meant now or back when Genevieve was pregnant with her.He supposed it worked both ways.He wouldn’t have come back to Paris.But he’d dropped New York City in an instant, all to come be her father.He’d lost so much yet gained so much.
“Back when I was twenty-four, things in New York weren’t perfect,” he admitted.“Things were rocky with a girl I was seeing.I didn’t know if she liked me, or if she respected me, or if she cared about me at all.I had dreams of founding my own company, but I was still working for my father and hated it.I was lonely.When your mother called to say she was pregnant, I hadn’t heard from my then-girlfriend in weeks, and I decided to pack up my life and come be your dad.I don’t regret it.Not in the least.”He pressed his hand against his heart.“It was the pleasure and joy of my life to raise you.”
He realized now, as he looked at his beautiful and too thin daughter, he wasn’t yet done raising her.She needed to come back to New York City with him.She needed a fresh start, too.
“Come with me,” he said.
Camille blinked at him.“I’m sorry?”
“Come to New York,” he said.“You’re an American citizen, if you recall.You can come to New York, live in one of my apartments, make new friends, and find a new way.You can stop living whatever life your mother’s so worried about.You can create a new identity.”
Something in Camille’s face softened.“Oh, Papa.I don’t think you can ever create a new identity.Isn’t that naive?”
“Not in my experience,” Grayson said.“You can recreate yourself over and over again.Your life is the most brilliant of adventures, but it’s also a project.You can get better.You can fix the things that are broken.”
Camille was quiet for a long time.Outside, winter winds blasted against the apartment building and seemed to creep through the windows, under the doors.Grayson suddenly craved his warm and toasty apartment back in New York.He craved his heater on full-blast.
“You know, they’re going to forget about it,” Camille said.
Grayson wasn’t sure what she meant.He gave her a blank look.
“The public,” Camille said.“They’re going to forget that you flew private.They’re going to eat you alive for another day or two, and then they’re going to find other people to dig into.You’ll be able to move your company forward.You’ll be able to make that difference you’re always talking about.”She gave him a smile that seemed almost sincere.
“I hope you’re right,” he said.
