“I know.” Marty sat down. “I’m just an accountant. Nothing like this is supposed to happen to me. I mean, I don’t look for danger. I work with numbers. I lead a quiet life….”
“And maybe this is the world’s way of telling you that isn’t working?” Eddie leaned forward, holding Marty’s attention. “I remember the guy I went to school with. He was exciting and fun. He liked doing things and experiencing new stuff.”
“Well, that guy found out that new stuff meant that everyone left while they tried everything new, and I got left behind. Okay?” The edge of Marty’s voice was sharp as a knife. Eddie watched as Marty began to squirm.
“Do you want to tell me what else I don’t know?” Eddie was well aware that things between him and Marty fit that pattern, but that couldn’t be all there was to it. Marty didn’t answer, so Eddie sat still, not moving, hoping that eventually Marty would open up.
“I had a really good job, but I got downsized and left behind. Then a year later, things turned around, but they hired people from outside the company. I looked around a long time before I could find this crappy job, and now I’m going to lose it.” He tooka breath but plowed forward. “Do you know where my parents are? They left this area because they wanted sunshine and relocated to a huge community in Florida. And you know what? The last time they sent pictures, Mom and Dad were skydiving. They take scuba lessons, and the two of them go out deep-sea fishing. Mom caught a marlin. My mother. They decided to start all kinds of new things, and they’re living the high life… and I’m here. My sister trained as a massage therapist. She had a great job in the clinic. Now she’s in Arizona living in some sort of commune, giving free love massages to everyone in the place. They all have exciting lives, doing shit that scares the crap out of me. But I just sit here and do what’s expected.”
Eddie tried to understand. “You know that isn’t people leaving you behind. It’s just folks going on with their lives. I didn’t leave you. At least I didn’t want to, but I had this opportunity, and sometimes….” He was running out of words.
“I know. I guess if the same thing had happened to me, I probably would have taken it. And I can’t blame anyone, not Mom and Dad or my sister. They’re doing what makes them happy. Who am I to stop it? But it just feels like I’m still here and not going anywhere.”
“Then what do you want to do?” Eddie asked.
“I don’t know. I want stuff to be safe, I guess. And maybe I want the world to stop feeling like quicksand all the time.”
“But that’s what it feels like for everyone,” Eddie said. “None of us has it safe. I have a job where I could be shot tomorrow. Don’t get me wrong—I love what I do, and I work with great people, but I’m aware of the facts that surround my life.” Marty looked at him like he was trying to figure out what Eddie was getting at. “Things can change for me at any time. Just like they can for Brian, for Kerry, and for anyone else. Two years ago, Kerry returned to Olympia from Seattle when his sister was killed. Brian and he found her killer, and Kerry took over thecare of his nephews. Talk about quicksand. All their lives were turned upside down, including those boys. But look at them now. Yeah, things aren’t perfect, but they are largely happy, healthy kids.”
“So you’re saying…?”
“That you get through the quicksand and go on with your life. There will be more, but if you spend all your time worrying about it, you miss the good stuff. And I don’t want that. You deserve to experience all the things that you want.”
Marty sighed. “But how can I do that?”
Eddie took Marty’s hands. “We handle it one thing at a time. First thing we’re going to do is find out what’s going on at your job. Then we’re going to get you out of there, and we’re going to find you a much better position. From there it’s up to you.”
“Okay.” Marty shook his head. “You must think I’m some kind of wuss.”
“No. Do you have any idea of the kind of strength it takes to decide that you don’t want the same life you have now? Change is hard, but we find our way through it.” Eddie remembered how Marty was in school. He’d been a creature of habit, and at the time, Eddie hadn’t understood just how important those routines were to him. But now it seemed to Eddie that those routines and the mechanisms that Marty used to try to make himself feel safe were now a prison. But there was nothing he could do about it other than support Marty, if he wanted him to. This was something he needed to do for himself.
Marty wentto bed early, and Eddie didn’t hear anything more out of him. It was almost midnight before he was calm enough to go to bed. On his way, he peered into Marty’s room. He was curled up on the bed, the covers wound around him. God, he remembered that. Marty always rolled around when hewas upset and ended up a burrito in the center of a covers. But as Eddie watched, Marty began to roll and fight, trying to get out.
“Hey,” Eddie said softly. “It’s okay.” He sat on the side of the bed, and Marty sat right up, his eyes wide. “You’re not alone.”
“They were after me….” He took a deep breath and seemed to come awake. “It was just a dream, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah. Go back to sleep. I’m here, and the house is locked up tight.” He stood as Marty unwound himself and began straightening out the bed. Marty seemed to have forgotten that he was only in his underwear, but Eddie sure didn’t. Marty was still as lean as he always was, but now he was a man, and Eddie smiled to himself as he stood and went to leave the room. “I’ll see you in the morning.” It took all his willpower not to tug Marty into his arms and guide him down the hall to his own bed.
Lord knows he’d thought about doing that enough over the years. It had been a mistake to leave Marty behind. He should have insisted and done whatever it might have taken for Marty to feel welcome in his life. Eddie should have just been honest with everyone—including himself—about what he truly wanted. But he’d been lured by the lights, fame, and money of Hollywood, though just as quickly as fortune smiled at him with good parts, she had also turned away again just as quickly.
Eddie hesitated in the hallway before finally going to his room and getting into bed. The truth was that he could have tried to bring Marty to his bed, but he wasn’t positive that Marty would come with him. So he rolled over and listened as Marty moved around in his room, and then all was quiet. Eddie lay still, listening intently. He wasn’t sure what he hoped to hear—maybe Marty’s footsteps in the hall or his door opening as Marty came inside. It was definitely what he wanted, but Eddie had learned that he didn’t always get that.
“I lefta voicemail for Bryce telling him that I was going to work from home today,” Marty said as Eddie blinked himself awake and poured himself a mug of coffee.
“Good. But shouldn’t you talk to him?”
“I tried his work number and his cell, but he didn’t answer either of them, so I left a message and asked him to call me. It’s how I normally do things.” Marty sipped his own coffee and sighed. “What about you? Don’t you need to go to work?”
“Yes. I’m on shift this morning, and I need to go in pretty soon. I want you to stay in the house. Please don’t go outside where you can be seen. You can work from here if you need to, but be careful. I’ll stop by when I can to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’ll be fine. I have plenty of work that will need to be done. It’s a Monday, and things tend to build up over the weekend.” His voice seemed steady enough, but his eyes gave him away.
Eddie sat down across from him. “I know this is hard, but please be careful, okay? There’s plenty of food, thanks to Kerry, and I’ll call when I can. You have my number. If something happens, call. I’ll be with Brian for most of the day.” He really wanted to reassure him. “Just call if you see anything.”
“I will. Go on to work. I’ve spent plenty of time alone. I’ll be okay,” Marty told him. But Eddie still wondered as he got into his suit. Before leaving, he placed his mug in the sink. Marty was already at the table, working. Eddie couldn’t help looking at him again before leaving the house, locking up as he went.
On the way to the station, Eddie drove past Marty’s workplace. He didn’t know what he expected, but the place seemed rather quiet. A few lights were on, but it wasn’t like the office was bustling with activity. He thought of going inside to check it out, but continued on. The last thing he wanted to do was draw attention to what they suspected, but he really wantedto get a good look at what was inside. After watching the old brick building for a while, he continued on to the station.
