Ben took a breath and then another, and then he got down on one knee.
“Ben?”Phil spoke quietly, but Ben saw the sun dawning on his face.
“You were right.”The words came out quickly, faster than Ben meant them to, but he had to get them out before he lost his nerve.“About all of it.About my family and about me doing whatever they told me just to keep them in my life in some way even when they gave nothing at all back.And you were right that being with you, living here, is so much more.I can’t undo what happened to your knee, or your career, or my part in it.But if you still want me—if you want to try this—”
“Of course I do!I’ve been saying—”
“I don’t deserve—”
“Fuck that.Ask the question, Ben.”
Ben laughed, not because anything was funny but because his whole chest felt so light he had to let the air out or he would float away.“Will you marry me?”
“I will.”
“Great.I have these rings some hockey player gave me.But they’re upstairs—”
The joke was cut off by Phil pulling him to his feet and crashing their mouths together.
“I love you,” Ben said when they pulled apart.“I should have led with that.”
Phil carded a hand through Ben’s hair, and Ben leaned into the touch.“I love you too.”
Phil never ended up finishing his workout.
Charlie’s school friends got picked up around six.He joined Ben and Phil in the living room shortly after, and they ordered out for dinner—big steaming bowls of ramen filled with vegetables, noodles, and meat, the stock gleaming with flecks of fat.It was a culinary experience Charlie would never have had if he’d stayed in Utah with his family his whole life, and he took to it with gusto.Ben hoped the celebratory meal would make their news palatable as well.
“We should take you out for sushi sometime soon,” Phil decided.
Charlie made a face.“I know it’s hockey player catnip, but I’m gonna need some time to get over the raw fish thing.”
“It takes some getting used to,” Ben said.“But I promise it’s really good once you can handle the concept.Also, the sushi here is miles better than whatever you’d get in Utah.”
“Well, yeah,” Charlie agreed.“There’s an ocean, like, right there.”
“So.”Ben decided it was as good a segue as any.“You like it here?You still want to go ahead with the guardianship plan?”
Charlie looked between them.“I…yeah?Of course I do.Do you?I know it’s a lot to ask—”
“It’s not,” Ben said at the same time Phil said, “No it isn’t.”
They looked at each other, smiling, finally on the same page.
“We, uh, wanted to tell you that we got a date for the hearing.It’s on February seventeenth.And before then, we’re going to the courthouse for…something else.”
Ben kicked himself for chickening out.He just had to say it.But saying it out loud would make it so real, and he’d only known Phil for half a year.They’d only kissed for the first time in November.The older people got, the quicker they moved in relationships, but two months without even a pit stop for an “are we dating” conversation was lightning fast even at forty-two.It wasn’t that Ben had second thoughts, but he was suddenly very aware other people would have some pretty strong opinions about him and Phil.Worse, the most important of those people was a teenager, and teenage judgement stung.
“Oh, did you guys set a date?”Charlie asked with a mouth full of ramen.“Awesome.Can I be ring bearer?”
Ben dropped his chopsticks.“How did you know?We just decided today.”
“Uh.I thought you got engaged, like, three weeks ago.”Charlie looked between them.
“The CPS visit,” Phil realized.
“Well, yeah, Ms.Rodriguez came and asked me a bunch of questions about you guys when she finished with you, remember?”
“And you went with it?”Phil asked.“But we weren’t…”
