“I won’t get the job if people find out my defensive coach has been making a fool of me for years.”
Ben opened his mouth to protest but he had no idea what he could say.He watched as a couple, wearing matching sweatshirts proclaiming they were from South Dakota and wanted to see the world, took a selfie in front of one of the pagodas.Eventually, he asked, “Am I just supposed to quit too?”
“Absolutely not.”Pulvermacher said.“Your whole work history is fake, and the next guy will spot it in an instant if you do anything suspicious.No, you have to keep coaching as long as you can.The team’s doing all right in the standings; they’re top three in the Pacific.What more could we want?You’re earning well enough off this, anyway.”
Ben gritted his teeth.“I put that money in a separate account.I haven’t touched it.”
“Huh.Well, touch it.Listen, Ben, I’ve got to go.I’m interviewing in Tucson this evening.Thanks for all your work.Sorry it didn’t pan out.”
Then he heard nothing but dial tone.
Ben wandered around the park until it was time to pick up Charlie from school.The fog from the Bay felt heavier than usual, rolling in faster as the afternoon wore on, or maybe his mood gave him that impression.
What was he supposed to say when he got home?Sorry, Phil, I got proof that your injury is a result of a deliberate conspiracy, but we’re going to have to sweep it under the rug.Also, if you can keep pretending I’m your coach, that would be swell?Ben might as well hand the rings he’d set on his nightstand back over.
He’d gone into the morning meeting thinking he could bring home a success story and end things on a good note.That way, he could leave Phil behind with no guilty conscience, only his own heartache.But the notion that he would have to admit to failure now, failure that wasn’t even his fault, but his family’s…he couldn’t bear it.Why should he give up Phil?Why should he be the one to let down someone as kind and decent as Phil for no good reason?
How had it come to this?
The answer was, as always, the family.
The words were practically capitalized in his head, The Family, as though he shared a backstory with Breezy’s mafiosi ex-girlfriend.Except instead of smuggling drugs and killing people, his family treated him terribly over and over again, and he was too stupid to learn from it.
What had Phil said?
He could show Ben what “family” really meant if Ben would only let him.
All at once and far too slowly, Ben understood the sinking, yawning pit in his chest that had opened up when Phil had said the words.He hadn’t been afraid of the commitment.He hadn’t been put off by the difficulties of their respective careers.He’d been scared shitless because he wanted it so much.
Ever since his family had rejected him, Ben had been in motion, heading from job to job, from short-lived relationship to ephemeral friendship.The chance at a home and stability had seemed impossible after he’d lost it once.But there Phil was, setting everything Ben wanted at his feet and telling him he just needed to reach out and take it, and Ben—
Ben was terrified of saying yes because he’d spent his whole life loving people who didn’t love him back.
He stood up from the park bench and dusted off his pants.He took a last long look at the couple from South Dakota.The woman kissed the man’s cheek while holding out her phone to film the action.
Had Ben really thought it would be safer to run from that?The cozy everyday kind of love that meant someone was always willing to listen to you bitch about work or give you a hug or buy your nephew too-expensive home décor?That love could never hurt him as much as being alone and holding on to the last thread of a family who didn’t want him had.
And Phil had shown him, not only with words but also with actions, that he was offering Ben exactly the kind of love he’d been missing.
Charlie waited for him in the school parking lot, chatting with some classmates—a girl with dyed black hair and a very Goth aesthetic, and a tall, reedy boy carrying a backpack about twice his size.When Ben pulled up in the mostly empty lot, Charlie smiled, big and wide and happy.
“Hey,” Charlie said once he’d yanked the passenger seat door open.“Can Ellie and Marshall come over?We have a social studies project.”
“Yeah, sure,” Ben said and then remembered he was supposed to be responsible.“Uh, if their parents are okay with it.”
He congratulated himself when both teenagers showed him text messages from their parents granting permission before they slid into the back seat.
They got home just in time for Phil’s afternoon workout in the home gym.He wore a loose tank top and his tiny little athletic shorts as he greeted the group with a friendly smile and an offer of healthy snacks.He had a real thing about veggie sticks.
He was sogood.
Ben hated the thought of disappointing him.
“Do you have enough space upstairs?You can use the living room instead,” Phil offered.“The table there should be pretty clean.”
“We’re good.Thanks, Phil,” Charlie said and led his friends up to his room with an arm full of carrot sticks with dip and some puffed rice chips.
Phil watched them go with a concerned look.“Should we be talking to him about leaving his door open when he has friends over?”
