Ben made a noise of frustration at the back of his throat.“Not because I want to.Look, I’m so sorry for all of this.I’ll get out of your house.I’ll quit the job.I’ll—”
“Did I say I wanted that?”
“No, but—”
“The last thing the team needs is a major scandal or for their head coach to jump ship.If we want to make a playoff run, we need stability.”
The last thingPhilneeded was an empty house with no Ben cleaning the already spotless kitchen and no Charlie ragging on his playlists and leaving his sweatshirts in the gym.
Doubt crept up on Phil for a second.Did he really want them to stay?Or had the shock clouded his judgment and left him clinging to the only two people standing between him and a lonely, useless retirement?
No, he knew better.He’d known better for a while now—known he wanted Ben and Charlie to stay for their own sake rather than his.
Besides, if Ben left, who would uncover the betting scheme?
He chanced a look at Ben, still sitting close to him by the tub.Worry lines dug deep into his forehead.
“I’m the worst coach in the NHL,” Ben said.
“True.”
Ben grimaced.
“You said it yourself.But I’ve been helping you with it, haven’t I?”
“Yeah, but—”
“Do you or do you not need a place for you and Charlie to stay?”
Ben’s voice was hardly more than a whisper.“I do.I lied to you about why I’m here too.It was never about your knee.My apartment isn’t being renovated.I just couldn’t afford rent.”
“So you have to stay.”
“Ican’t!I’m not a real coach.I’m staying here under false pretenses.When I manage to prove your organization has been illegally betting on your career, I won’t be working with the Sea Lions anymore.And if I let Charlie believe we can stay, I’ll end up disappointing him when we have to leave after all.”
“Why would you have to leave?”
Ben dropped his face into his hands.“Phil…”
“What?”
“Why aren’t you angry?”
Phil laughed.It sounded foreign and ugly.“Not angry?I’m so fucking angry I could choke on it.I’ve spent my entire career with this franchise.I helped build it from the ground up.I sacrificed holidays and birthdays and decent food for hockey.I sacrificed my marriage and my goddamn knee.And it turns out my boss’s boss’s boss was rooting against me all along?Damn right I’m angry.”
Ben’s jaw clenched.His face, normally open and kind in these four walls, had shuttered into the stern, serious expression he wore as Coach Morris, the person he apparently wasn’t.“Right.I should leave.I should–”
Phil reached out a wet, soapy hand to grab Ben by the bicep.“Stop saying that.”
“Phil—” Ben’s hands cupped Phil’s face tenderly.
“I don’t want you to go.I don’t want you to quit the team before the job is done.I don’t want—”
Ben’s grip tightened with frustration.“What do you want?”
What did Phil want?Phil wanted his team to win a Cup.Phil wanted the owners to believe in them, wanted the coaches to be real coaches, wanted the GM to value the team over his own pride.He wanted his knee to work.He wanted his house not to be so empty.He wanted Charlie to live a happy life with his every need provided for.He wanted Ben to trust him.“I…”
“This is too much, I know.I’m sorry.It will be better if I—” Releasing his hold on Phil, Ben made to draw away.
