Ben was on his feet in an instant.“Phil, your knee.You can’t—”
“I’m supposed to put pressure on it if I can,” Phil said.
“You haven’t been cleared to skate though.You—”
“Five minutes,” Phil wheedled.“Just five minutes.Come on.Let me see Charlie block his first shot.”
Ben softened.Phil had gotten Charlie interested in sports and had found a group he could take part in easily.He deserved to see him succeed.“If it starts hurting—”
“I’ll get off the ice.Promise.”
Mara watched the exchange with interest.“Charlie’s your nephew, right?”
Ben nodded.
“You’re doing a great thing, taking him in.”
“I’m doing the bare minimum,” Ben said sharply.Down below, Phil had both hands on Charlie’s shoulders, impressing final pointers on him.
Mara shifted in her seat, the thick wool of her coat whispering against his sleeve.“Any one of the other kids down there would kill for the bare minimum.You’re doing great.”
Philwas doing great.How much would Charlie miss out on if Ben stuck to his plan and insisted on moving Charlie out of his house?Would marrying Phil keep him in Charlie’s life, funding things Ben couldn’t afford and offering experiences Ben couldn’t?
Except then, Ben would bemarriedto Phil.He wanted the best for Charlie, but surely the best included modeling healthy relationships.Getting married to an ostensibly straight guy so he could get guardianship of his nephew was a bonkers plan, no matter how well said straight guy treated said nephew.And doing it for the money made Ben feel dirty even though he knew people had been marrying for much worse reasons for hundreds of years.
Could he put up with feeling gross for four years until Charlie graduated high school?
Four years might pass quickly in the grand scheme of life.But then there would be college, and Phil had enough money to pay for that as well.Worst-case scenario, Ben was looking down the barrel of an eight-year marriage to a man who wanted to take care of him but didn’t love him.
“Aw, Phil is in coach mode,” Mara said next to him.
Phil crouched, the thighs Ben had put his mouth all over straining against his jeans as he demonstrated proper goalie posture to Charlie.He winced as he skated off the ice, and the kids’ game of five-on-five started up.Ben wondered whether Phil would let him draw a bath tonight.His knee must be sore.
Ben was so screwed.
On the way home—on the return journey to Phil’s house, not home—Charlie chattered a mile a minute.He’d blocked ten shots.He’d also let in eleven, but for his first time as a goalie, Phil assured him those were decent stats.He talked about the game, which was far more civilized than what Ben saw on the ice on a thrice-weekly basis.No one had been slashed or cross-checked, and while a few of the older teens did experiment with shouldering one another into the boards, no one had left the ice with visible bruises.Phil blamed their hesitance on being on skates for the first time; Ben figured they were just better people than most professional hockey players.
“Hey now,” Phil said with a pout.
Ben wanted to kiss the pout off his face.
He made chicken teriyaki for dinner and scrubbed the pans and the plates and the counters viciously afterward.Phil and Charlie retreated to the living room to catch the last period of the Eastern Conference games, leaving him to it.Unfortunately, while cleaning usually calmed Ben’s brain, today it made his thoughts race in more and more hectic circles.
This wasn’t helped by Trout texting him at quarter past seven to let Ben know “his guy” would be at the team’s New Year’s Eve shindig, and he would make the introductions then.
By the time Ben decided he couldn’t find anything else to occupy his hands in the kitchen, Charlie had already gone upstairs.Should Ben have instituted some sort of “say goodnight before you vanish” rule?He had no idea what the whole legal guardian thing entailed.
Maybe Ms.Rodriguez had gotten it right.Maybe Ben ought to give up now—call her and tell her the truth about his living situation and his job situation and his Phil situation.
“Bet you he’s lying in bed staring at his phone.We’re going to have to reconsider letting him use it all the time,” Phil said from the couch, leg propped up and ESPN on.“I did some research, and apparently, some people have dedicated media time for their kids.Like, he gets an hour in the evening with his phone, and then we take it away.”
He couldn’t call her.Charlie deserved to have Phil in his life, even if Ben didn’t.
Hehadto call her before he talked himself into marrying Phil.
“Huh,” Ben said, “I’m kind of relieved he’s making friends so fast, though, and you need a phone for that nowadays.Anyway, he seems a little old for us to take away his stuff randomly.”
Phil tilted his head to the side.“Maybe.But he could see all sorts of shit online.We could at least put some filters on the Wi-Fi so he can’t access the really messed-up stuff.”
