“Yeah, since I started here.”
Phil blinked.Had he missed something about Breezy?He always seemed so steady and centered.Happy-go-lucky.“Are you…okay?”
Breezy smiled, big and blinding.“Of course!We do training for our bodies all the time, but sports are at least half brain.Gotta keep your mind trained up, too, you know?”
“I’ll keep it in mind,” Phil said weakly.“Now go.You’ve got a plane to catch.”
Ben had already left for the same flight by the time Phil got home, which was a blessing and a curse.
A curse because Phil wanted to kiss him again, wanted to feel Ben’s firm grip around his waist and how he just took what he wanted from the kiss, and a blessing because Phil had not one fucking clue how to feel about wanting that.
Fortunately, with Ben gone, Phil was responsible for Charlie all by himself, which meant he could do what he’d been itching to do since Charlie got there.
He could take Charlie to the mall.
“Go nuts,” he told Charlie.“Seriously.I can afford it.Your clothes, your room— Make it whatever you want.”
Watching Charlie proceed with great caution made Phil add another data point to his collection of information about Ben and Charlie’s family: weird about money.Even given the license for unlimited spending, Charlie went nowhere near as far as Phil would have at his age.It reminded him of the way Ben only ever put store-brand foods on the grocery list and complained about unnecessary luxuries.They came out of the Gap with a decent wardrobe all the same, closer to Charlie’s actual size.Apparently, baggy jeans were in again though.
Charlie resisted further clothing stores.“It, um…” He pushed his hair out of his eyes.“It can make me kind of dysphoric.Clothes shopping.”
“Oh,” Phil said.“Oh, shit.Sorry.”
“No, no, this is good.This is…not that.But I don’t wanna push it.”
“Okay.”Phil hesitated and then decided he couldn’t do worse than Charlie’s family already had.“Look, I don’t know anything about being trans.Nothing.We got some emails from work for a charity program we’re doing, and I’ve been reading the websites they linked, but you’ve gotta tell me if I fuck up, okay?”
“You’re doing good,” Charlie said.
“Still, tell me if I fuck up,” Phil insisted.“Now, I was thinking we could hit some furniture stores so you can set up your room how you want it.And, uh, if you want, we could go to a hairdresser?Even out that haircut you gave yourself?But only if you want?”
Charlie barreled into him and wrapped his arms around Phil’s middle.
“Can we stay with you forever?”
Forever.Phil let himself imagine not waiting for the time when Ben and Charlie would leave and his house would be empty.The worry he hadn’t known he’d been carrying eased—worry about where the two of them would live and how Ben would cope with the added stress of raising a teenager alone when he already seemed so exhausted.Phil wasright there, he couldhelp—
Oh.
He hadn’t realized he’d gotten so invested, but the thought of Ben sticking around and making omelets and criticizing Phil about how he used his money made a knot in Phil’s shoulders unclench.
“You gotta take forever up with your uncle,” Phil said.“I’m fine with it.”
It wasn’t like being on the team plane or playing hockey, but it was a pretty good afternoon.He left Charlie stringing up fairy lights in his room.The bookshelf would have to wait until Ben returned to help them; after watching Ben’s progress fixing up the stairs, Phil knew better than to try using the drill himself.But Charlie had posters to hang, school supplies to sort through, throw pillows and blankets to unpack.It was the sort of thing Camille’s designer would have fainted at, everything mismatched and no one item costing more than a hundred dollars.When they’d planned the house, the designer had asked carefully if she should be including a nursery in one of the spare rooms.They’d both turned her down flat.Camille because she didn’t want kids, and Phil because he thought if they decided to have them after all, he’d want to set their rooms up himself.Charlie was old enough that Phil couldn’t do it for him, but helping him choose and watching him make himself at home was close enough.
Phil headed for the home gym.Shopping had involved a lot of standing around, which made his knee achier than usual.Despite it being a rare PT-free day, he decided to go through a few exercises anyway.After an easy warmup on the spinning bike, he settled in the leg press.
Invariably, it made him think of Ben.
Phil pulled out his phone and reread the messages for the tenth or possibly five hundredth time.
Nice suit.
I’d like to take it off you.
He hadn’t responded, not because he didn’t want to but because he had no idea what to say.Since Ben had sent those texts, they’d talked in person about all manner of domestic arrangements pertaining to Charlie, but neither of them had mentioned what Ben wrote.
Phil could leave it at that.He could message Ben about his brunch with the guys, the progress he’d made getting Hayes reintegrated into the team.Or let him know about Charlie’s successful haircut and new home furnishings.Then Ben would be torn between gratefulness and being judgmental about money, and he could berate Phil about it before he got home, which meant that by then he might be over it.
