“I can’t!” he screamed in anguish before sinking to the floor and throwing his head back against the door. “I want to tell you so many things, Rain. I want to tell you so bad that it hurts, but I can’t make myself say the words. It’s killing me to hide things from you, but I just… I just can’t.”
This was not the Sin I knew—the confident, seductive, occasional asshole. This male in front of me that I found myself caring about more than I should, more than I had any right to, looked so defeated. So confused.
I knelt to press my forehead against his. I wasn’t good at this. The ability to comfort a person who was hurting was not part of my repertoire. I wanted to help in some way, though. I wanted to take away his pain.
I pulled back, caught his eyes, and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “It’s okay,” I murmured.
“No, it’s not,” he replied. “Nothing about you being here is okay.”
“I know,” I said, shifting to lean back against the door beside him, his thigh a warm presence next to my own. “I think I understand why you can’t tell me what’s going on. I asked Corym to transfer the Rivellan language to my mind, and it almost broke him. He kept saying he wanted to, but he couldn’t.” I paused, angling my head so I could look into his beautiful, sad eyes. “He looked exactly like you do right now.”
Something snapped inside Sin, and he crumpled in on himself, his body succumbing to the pressure that he had been fighting for so long. I took his face in my hands, kissed him with enough force that it was hard to pull away, then lowered his head to my lap.
We stayed like that for a long time—not saying a word, just me running my hands through his hair, forgiveness and understanding filling the silence. I didn’t have any pretty, comforting words I could give him so I hoped my presence was enough.
Chapter thirty-five
I still had a million things I wanted to ask Sin, but it all seemed rather pointless. I knew he cared about me, and that he would tell me whatever he could. So instead of asking him a bunch of questions that would likely only cause more distress, I let him direct the next steps.
“So what do we do now?” I asked as we left the small office and passed through the library. Sin said he would stay and wait for Corym to explain what happened, though I hoped it would be a somewhat modified version of the truth.
“You need to go to breakfast,” he said, pausing at the entrance to the library. “Verren would have questions if you didn’t show up. I think for now it’s best if he believes nothing has changed.”
“You mean about us, right? You can’t possibly mean that you want me to keep my magic a secret?” To my complete and utter frustration, his firm expression confirmed the ridiculous idea. “Sin, I was literally prepared for you to slice and dice me yesterday, that’s how badly I’ve wanted this. And now you want me to hide it? No. Sorry, but no.”
He leaned back against the door frame and observed me. “Why is it so important to you that everyone knows?” he asked with a familiar cool tinge to his voice.
I leaned against the opposite door frame, mirroring his posture. If he wanted to slip back into these roles, fine.
“I already told you,” I said, my voice a mimic of his casual disinterest. “I want everyone here to stop making fun of me behind my back. I’m not stupid. I see the looks I get at dinner. I don't enjoy feeling like a lesser citizen. I got enough of that in my world.”
“Ah, but there’s the rub,” he replied smoothly, that infuriatingly hypnotic smirk making a reappearance to my own twisted delight. “That excuse doesn’t work on me. I saw you in your world. You’ve never once tried to be someone you’re not just to fit in.”
I scoffed. “Please. You saw me for a handful of days. It doesn’t make you an expert on all things Rain Solis.”
He blinked a couple times, his cool mask slipping for a second.
“What?” I asked.
“You never use your last name. I forgot that I even knew it, that's all.”
I wrinkled my brow. “It was just a random name. When Jenn and I turned eighteen we chose new last names. Neither of us was a fan of the state chosen 'Smith.' They weren’t too creative, I guess. Jenn helped me pick mine out, but it never mattered much to me. A last name is a family name, and I never had a family.” I paused, then asked, “What’s yours? I actually don’t think I know anyone's last name here.”
“We don’t have last names in Rivella,” he answered, the casual mask back in place. “Only a first name and sometimes a title or designation. I’m Cennux Dreisin. Dey is Deylan the King’s Foster. It doesn’t matter what family you come from here. Only what you can do.”
I considered that. “I suppose that’s a nice change of pace from the rampant nepotism of my world.”
“Indeed.” He was quiet for a moment, then added softly, “It means sun.”
“What?” I asked, nudging his boot with one slightly burnt sneaker.
He straightened and cleared his throat. “Solis. Your last name. It means sun in Rivellan. I think it’s just kind of fitting.”
“Because of my fire magic?”
He moved into my space and wrapped his hand around the back of my neck. I let out a tiny shudder at the contact. He had always been the hotter one, but now his skin was so cool against my new constant warmth.
He bent down and pressed his forehead to mine. “Because you shine so brightly it cuts through my darkness.”
