I couldn’t go there. It wasn’t an option. I still had to walk away from him at the end.
“How about an exchange?” he asked when I had been silent for too long. “Ask me one question, any question. If, and that’s a strong if, I am able to answer it, I will.”
He sat up on the sofa to make room for me, but I kept to my end. Touching him right now was a bad idea.
“Okay…” I had spent enough time with Sin. I could play this game of half-truths and evasion. I racked my brain, sifting through all the things I wanted to know about him. There were so many, and yet I had to pick only one.
To spare myself a mental breakdown from over-analyzing my options, I went with the first one that solidified. “Why the Wizard of Oz?” I blurted out. “I mean, how do you know it well enough to be quoting it all the time? I doubt you spent your trips to my realm watching old movies instead of searching for me.”
Sin leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes. “That is dangerous knowledge to have, Rain. You still have the chanceto walk away from this. From me.” He opened his eyes, and something like fear lurked in their depths. “If I tell you… everything will change.”
I met his inquisitive gaze with my own resilience. “Everything has already changed, Sin.”
And I wasn’t even talking about his secret. I was talking about him, us. As much as I knew that I should run and leave all this behind, that ship had sailed the second I first kissed him and realized that nobody ever had or would make me feel the way he did.
“I suppose you’re right,” he admitted. “You want to know how I know the Wizard of Oz so well?” he asked cautiously, as if giving me one last chance to back out.
I nodded my head, and the explanation fell from his lips in a shower of pretty words that destroyed everything I had ever known about him.
“I know it so well because you know it so well,” he started slowly. “You went to that old rundown movie theater at least a few times a year to watch it, and many times I was lucky enough to be there with you, sitting a few rows back. It let me feel connected to you, to share something you loved so much. The truth is, Rain, I found you when you were fifteen. It was winter and snow dusted the streets, but you didn’t even have a decent coat on. I watched you leave the foster home you were staying in and walk over an hour to that theater. You couldn’t stop shaking, but you never once ducked into a store or restaurant to warm up. You had a destination, and you were determined to get there. I couldn't help but admire you from the first time I laid eyes on you.
“I had to know where you were going that was so important you would suffer to get there, so I followed you. I barely caught any of the film that first time because I spent the entire movie watching you, marveling at all the emotions you displayed—fascination, sadness, a longing to be anywhere else. I knew then that I couldn’t bring you here. You would have fallen for this place, Rain. You would have been like Dorothy, captivated by the land of Oz, only you wouldn’t get the happy ending. So I told myself I would watch over you and wait until you were older, let you live a little first.
“I lied to Verren every time I returned, insisting I still hadn’t found you yet. For ten years I kept you safe from this place, witnessing your evolution from the awkward teenager I first met into this incredibly fierce woman. It was the night you moved into that awful apartment with your sister, and I saw pure joy on your face for the first time, that I stopped lying to myself about ever being able to bring you here. You weren’t an innocent creature anymore, and yet I knew I would still die to keep you from being harmed. Every night after that it got harder and harder to walk away from you.” He swallowed deeply. “I don’t know if I can keep walking away from you.”
My heart thundered in my chest, beating too fast, too hard, keeping my entire body on edge. After everything he just told me, I should have had a million questions. And yet there was only one that mattered.
“Why do you need to walk away?”
Pain contorted Sin’s face as if my question physically hurt him.
“Because I’m not a good male, Rain. I’ve done things that no amount of time can ever erase. You have endured so much already, and I can’t bring myself to cause you more suffering. I will never be worthy of you… but I might not be strong enough to resist you either.”
His words, more meaningful than a hundred sonnets, melted into my skin, embedding themselves deep within my heart. He saw all the broken pieces of me and felt that he was the unworthy one. It was too much. I was teetering on the precipice of abottomless chasm. One wrong move, one wrong word, and I would be gone.
But as I stared into his icy green eyes, I realized that I didn’t have to fall.
I could jump.
So I did.
The kiss was not a gentle meeting of the lips. The kiss was flame and fire and I would happily let it burn me alive.
Sin hesitated only briefly before his hands snaked around my back, clutching my body tightly against him as he pulled me into his lap. My fingers wound through his hair, feeling like they belonged there tangled up in the soft darkness that was Sin.
I pushed him back against the couch, pulling my tunic over my head and grinding my hips deeper into him. The heat spread from our lips, and I could feel it burning through my entire body, begging for a release that only he could give. I craved the feel of his body on mine more than I craved sunlight or air. I wanted to remove every layer that separated us until there was only my skin and his.
I felt like I might burst into flame if he wasn’t inside me within the next few seconds.
“Sin,” I gasped, pulling away from his mouth and rolling my hips again. “I want…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. I knew exactly what I wanted, but the words fought me. They struggled to stay inside my brain. This was a bad idea for a thousand different reasons, and I should definitely stop before it went too far. Maybe it had already gone too far because I couldn't bring myself to crawl off him.
“What do you want, Fea Remia?” he whispered, leaning forward to sprinkle kisses down my throat.
I arched into him, baring my neck and chest. His lips continued their journey south, and I cried out as his teeth nippedat the soft skin above my collarbone. His bite was lightning that shot straight from his mouth downward to ignite my core.
“I need you to tell me what you want, Rain,” he whispered as he licked the mark he left on my neck. “I need to know that all of you wants this.” His hands slid from my back up the sides of my ribcage, sending tingles dancing across my skin, and I could feel them settle just below my bra. His fingers tightened around the edges of the ribbon that held it in place, but he didn’t pull. He kissed his way back up to the outer edge of my ear and breathed out, “Are you with me, Fea Remia?”
Sin’s scent washed through me and drowned each and every reason we shouldn’t be together. He was a thundering ocean that would drag me under and never let go, lost forever to his dark storm.
