Something about my scream broke through to him then, and he jumped to his feet, pulling me roughly into his arms, my head braced tightly against his chest. “I won’t be another monster in your story, Fea Remia. I will not, could not,everhurt you like that.”
The words were compassionate, and I felt so safe in his arms. Any other time, any other day, I would have snuggled deeper into him, relishing that comfort and security. Right then, it was the exact opposite of what I needed.
I pushed him hard and backed away quickly. “Then what good are you?” I spat, infusing my voice with all the disdain and disappointment I felt.
I didn’t look back as I tore out of the arena, my hopes of gaining my powers crushed beneath his feet.
Chapter twenty-nine
I spent the next hour or so in the glen behind the castle, watching the adult crescia fly around. The babies were cute, but the older ones were fascinating. They were incredibly active—dancing, preening, cuddling, and swooping about.
Thorell landed on me at one point and nuzzled my cheek. I gave a couple quick strokes down his feathers, and he flew off. I wondered which one was Sin’s. I would have thought with as much time as he spent in the arena that his crescia would have been nearby at least once.
Laying at the base of the largest tree to stare up into the branches, I let my mind wander over the possibilities of what my crescia might look like. If they changed to suit the bonded, then I felt bad for whichever one chose me. What type of fundamentally damaged monstrosity would I end up with to match all my own issues? It almost wasn’t fair.
To them.
Maybe I wouldn’t even get a crescia. God, how messed up would it be if this was all some great big mistake? I still didn’thave any powers or anything to confirm that I actually was the supposed savior. What if I went through all this, and at the end I was still just boring old Rain?
I thought back to my argument with Sin. How I begged him to hurt me so I could feel an inkling of magic in my veins. I spent almost ten years with the memory of that night buried so deeply in the recesses of my mind that I forgot about the scars most days. And I ripped it all wide open for the potential of magic. The potential to feel special.
I could feel myself spiraling and dug my meds out of my tunic pocket. I knew where this was headed, and it would be better to cut it off before things got much worse.
I waited another fifteen minutes or so until the soothing calm of Klonopin washed over my brain, quieting the churning maelstrom of painful thoughts.
Both suns were fairly high in the sky, so I assumed it was safe to say the morning had officially become the afternoon. Which meant it was time to go see Corym. If Sin wouldn’t help me with my power, hopefully his father could at least help me with the language.
I made my way to the library and was pleased to see Corym standing on a ladder, shelving a book, with no traces of last night's distress on his face.
He shot a glance over his shoulder at me and gave me a huge grin. “Raynella, you are right on time.” He shoved the book into place and climbed down.
“How come there are so few books,” I asked, while I waited for him to clean up his desk. “I would have thought a royal library would be bigger.”
“Ah, yes, one would think that and rightfully so. However, King Verren does not allow literature from other courts to be kept here. So we are limited to only those produced within theDiamond Court, and writing has never been much of a socially supported pursuit.”
I sifted through his words, trying to determine the meaning behind his stilted speech. “Are you saying writing isn’t cool here?”
“Yes, I suppose that would be the accepted vernacular,” Corym said, chuckling softly. “The Diamond Kings of centuries past have always had their citizens focused on building up the strength of our court more than anything else. For their own protection of course.”
I frowned. “Protection from what?”
“From the other courts,” he stated plainly, as if confused as to why I would even ask. “There have been few wars throughout Rivella’s history, but they have all been extremely destructive. The damage that powerful elemental casters can do is something quite terrifying to behold.” His eyes shuttered for a moment. “You did not come here for a history lesson, though.” He gestured toward his back office. “Shall we see what we can do about your language problem?”
I grinned, excitement bubbling up in me as I followed him into the small room. He seemed happy and healthy. Maybe the transfer would actually work this time.
Corym sat on the sofa and indicated the spot beside him.
“So, you’re better today?” I asked hopefully. “No headaches?”
He gave my leg a gentle pat. “You do not need to worry about me, Raynella. Not only have I spent my life providing knowledge to others, but I have also spent many years anxiously awaiting your arrival so that I might play a small part in your journey to save Rivella. I want nothing more than to help you.”
I almost asked how he could have so much kindness in him when Sin had so little, but I didn’t want to rip open old wounds.
“Okay then,” I said, clapping my hands together and rubbing them briskly. “Let’s do this. Anything I need to know first? Dey said the experience was disorienting.”
Corym scratched his chin for a second. “I suppose that would be an accurate description. Though it does vary person to person. Do remember that I have never done this on one such as yourself before.”
I didn’t know if he was talking about the fact that I was half-human, or the fact that I had no magic yet. Either way it didn’t matter, I wasn’t turning back now.
