Left alone with my tumultuous thoughts, I stared up at the stone ceiling of my suddenly cold and empty room.
Ashamed. My father was ashamed of me. The thoughts rolled over me, a suffocating darkness threatening to swallow me whole and drag me down into the black abyss of suffering I had spent so many nights in as a child.
Stop, I comanded myself. I wasn’t going to do this again. I wasn’t a kid anymore, and I was too old to wallow in my lack of parental approval. If my father was so ashamed that I didn’t have any powers yet, then I guess it was time to go get some damn powers. I was tired of being the only one here without them.
I thought back to the three ways Dey said I could activate my abilities. Crescia? That hadn’t helped so far. Sex? While I’m sure Dey would gladly volunteer, that was so far from being an option now. Which left only pain. I needed someone to hurt me, emotionally and physically. And it needed to hurt a lot.
The memory of when I was sixteen scratched at the door of my mind, and I knew nothing short of reliving that night would be enough to break me.
I bit my lip. Was I really going to have someone torture me just because my father was ashamed of me?
No, I thought. This wasn't for him. I'd been hiding from that night long enough, shoving it down and refusing to go back there. I would need to deal with it sooner or later, and if meant I could finally hold my own in this world, then I guess I was going with sooner.
And I knew just who to ask.
Chapter twenty-eight
I don’t know what I expected to see when I entered the arena, but I did know what I absolutely wasn’t expecting to see—Sin backed up against a wall with a female wrapping her long legs around his waist. They were so entangled that I wouldn’t have even known it was him save for his familiar leather black tunic.
It was instantaneous, the jealousy that boiled up inside me.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I screeched before my rational brain could catch up and warn me that this was a very bad idea. That I had no claim over Sin and even less of a say in what, or who, he did in his spare time. “Was this why our kiss was a mistake? You know you could have mentioned you were with someone. You didn’t have to play me like a damned violin!”
Sin shifted around to look at me over the female’s shoulder, his face tense and strained, before it disappeared behind a long curtain of silky chestnut tresses.
My vision turned red.
He acknowledged my presence and didn’t even have the decency to push her away? I had never felt like a violent personbefore. Sure, anger was a close and personal friend but violence? That was new.
I stormed across the arena to do something—not that I had any bright ideas in the moment—but before I reached them, the female suddenly went flying back and hit the ground hard at my feet.
I stumbled backward, tripped, and landed on my ass. Scrambling to get up, I paused only when a calloused hand appeared in front of my face. Raising my arm to block the intense sun, I saw Sin leaning over me.
“No thanks,” I grumbled, slapping his arm away and climbing to my feet unceremoniously. Beside me, the female popped her to feet with the grace and execution of a warrior gymnast. I took her in briefly, registering the short-sleeve burgundy tunic and leggings paired with tall black boots that reached nearly to her knees, and a bodice made of chainmail snug against her ample chest. It was her face that I lingered on, though. She was beautiful in the kind of way that I never would be. Tall and athletic with soft features, wide blue eyes, and olive skin that practically gleamed in the sunlight. She was like the female equivalent of Dey, and I wanted nothing more than to mess up her pretty face.
If I paused for even a second to analyze that thought, I might have realized that the jealousy coursing through me was something to be a bit concerned about, but once again, my mouth was faster than my brain.
I whirled on Sin. “What the hell is going on? And who the hell is she?” I thumbed a finger at the hottie who just stood there watching me, as if I was a curious new insect and she was debating whether or not I was worth squashing.
I added her to my brand new 'maim and murder later' list then turned my fury back to Sin. It took all I had not to slap the smirkright off his damn face. God, he looked like a cat that ate a canary and enjoyed every last bite.
He stepped up to the female—whose gentle features had settled into a rather intimidating glare after I dismissed her—and said, “Rain, meet Peywyn.”
“Nice to meet you,” I replied, sarcasm dripping from every syllable. “Sorry I interrupted your little tryst,” I said to Sin. “By all means, don’t let me stop you from making out with someone who isn’t a mistake.” My words were sharper than a knife, yet the smirk never even wavered. Couldn’t he at least have the decency to look a little embarrassed that I had caught him?
I spun on my heels to stalk out of the arena before I did something stupid, like hurt my hand on his rock hard chin, but Sin grabbed my arm, halting my dramatic exit. “Peywyn is one of my soldiers. We were training, Fea Remia. No need to get jealous.”
“Jealous?” I scoffed, completely dismissing the first part of the sentence. “I don’t get jealous. And especially not over you.”
“That’s not what I saw,” he said smoothly, “Tell me, do you nearly claw out the eyes of every female Dey speaks to, or is this level of rage special just for me?”
My flaming crimson cheeks had nothing to do with the two suns beating down. “You son of a bitch,” I growled, my tone low and laced with the threat of violence.
“You’re lucky I know that’s just an expression, otherwise I might be insulted,” Sin replied coolly. “My mother was quite lovely.”
His words dumped a bucket of ice water over me. Every ounce of anger drained away as I recalled what Corym said about Sin’s mom; how she raised him alone but died of that horrific plague… and I just called her a bitch. It didn’t matter if it was a figure of speech, I still couldn’t believe I had said it. Once again my uncontrolled anger had me spouting things I didn’t really mean.
Sin’s smirk dropped then, giving way to confused wariness as he watched shame overtake me. He released my arm and took a step back, evaluating this strange new creature in front of him.
