“You don’t think I should?” Cathy looked vulnerable and alone for a moment as her bravado faded.
Rita smiled. “Of course you should. I hear that’s how the young ones are doing it these days. And if they can do it, you can too.”
Chapter Three
Matilda Berry-Merritt sat on the edge of the bathtub, her brow furrowed. She stared at the pregnancy test strip, waiting to see which words would appear. Pregnant or not pregnant. It’d been seven months since she and Ryan had their official wedding ceremony and reception, even though they’d already been legally married before that, and they’d been trying to get pregnant that entire time. At first, they simply didn’t try not to get pregnant and thought that if it happened, it would be a nice thing. But after so long without any progress, Matilda was starting to feel a little panicky.
Ozzie, their Australian Shepherd dog, was full-grown now, and he lay against the bathroom wall, watching her out of one almost-shut eye.
“What do you think, Oz? Will this be the one?”
The dog raised his head to look at her, his tail thumped once on the tiled floor, then his head lowered again. His thick fur was luxurious, with a patchwork of white, tan, and black. She loved to cuddle him on the couch. He’d calmed down now that he was a little older, but for the first few months, he’d chewed everything in sight. Now, he was finally house trained and she enjoyed his company, even if she didn’t get to be at home as often as she would’ve liked.
She stood and stretched while she waited, noting the way her ribs protruded beneath her sports bra. She’d lost weight recently. All of the stress of getting the new veterinary practice renovated and up and running had worn her down. She often forgot to eat, and when she did, her appetite was low. She had to admit, it’d been difficult so far. She hoped things would get better. But if she kept losing weight, she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to get pregnant. The doctor had told her to eat more frequently and take better care of herself, and she was trying. But her work took so much of her energy that she often didn’t have much left for herself at the end of the day.
The time was up. She lifted the pregnancy test off the counter and stared at it.
Not pregnant.
Again.
Her heart constricted. How long would it take? Would it ever happen? She’d never been one to spend a lot of time thinking about her future children. She’d always assumed it would happen someday, but she wasn’t one of those women who gushed over babies. But now that the time had come and she was struggling to get pregnant, it felt as though a little crack had opened in her heart, and every month, a bit more grief seeped out.
Her throat tightened, and she swallowed hard.
It would be okay. They’d try again. The doctor had told her not to worry, that it sometimes took a while. He was particularly vague about what “a while” meant specifically, but surely eight months of trying was within that time frame.
After a quick shower, she changed for work and let Ozzie out in the yard, then drove to the clinic. It wasn’t far, and the drive helped her prepare mentally for the day ahead. Lately, they’d been so busy that she’d barely had time for lunch breaks.
She parked in the lot and with a deep inhale of breath, she braced herself as she strode through the clinic’s front doors. She loved the way the renovation had come together. The entire place sparkled like new. The white paint contrasted well with the bright photographs of various pets she’d had framed to hang on the walls. The waiting room was already filling up with patients straining nervously on their leashes or sitting quietly in carriers.
“You’re in early today,” Bettina said. The receptionist leaned forward with a smile on her face. The headset she used to answer the phone was already in place, and her hands rested lightly on the keyboard in front of her.
Matilda pumped sanitizer into her hands and rubbed them together with a sigh. “No rest for the wicked.”
“You have a full load today.”
“Glad to hear it.” She couldn’t be mad about being busy, but for some reason, the thought of the long day ahead sucked the air from her lungs. She needed a break. Running a business had already been so much more difficult and exhausting than she’d imagined. The days stretched before her without so much as a hint of rest on the horizon.
The morning went by in a flash. She saw a dachshund with back problems, followed by a golden retriever with cataracts. Then someone brought in a guinea pig with paralysis, and she had to break the news that it wasn’t likely to make it. The children caring for the guinea pig were upset, so after the consult was over, Matilda made her way to the break room to collapse. First, she made a coffee and grabbed a muffin from the fridge, then sat at the small table with her head in her hands.
“That bad, huh?” Bettina asked.
Matilda looked up to see the receptionist walking into the break room with a small tub of yogurt. She grabbed a spoon from the drawer and sat across from Matilda to eat.
“I hate disappointing little kids. That’s all.”
“I understand that,” Bettina replied around a mouthful of yogurt. “But you’re always so great with them. I’m sure you helped them come to terms with what was happening.”
“I hope so.”
“Is that all? You seem a bit down.”
“I’m tired.” On cue, Matilda yawned.
“I’m not surprised at all. You’ve been working hard. You really should think about getting some balance in your life.”
“Thanks,” Matilda intoned with a wry smile.
