And hearing those words come out of Pa’s mouth makes the hairs on my arms stand, the blood coursing through my body boil, the banging in my head even louder. Because when was the last time anyone in my family ever took me seriously when I asked them to talk?!
“Why am I not allowed to joke?” I cry out. “Why can’t I laugh things off like you always do?”
He staggers back a bit and I’ve never seen this… crumpled look on his face. I wish he’d say one of his confusing proverbs, tell a corny joke, or even call me out for snapping at him. Seeing how hurt my dad looks makes me want to forget everything and sink into one of his hugs again.
Instead, he lets me be.
“I’ll let you get some air then.” He nods and gives me space. “You know where to find me.”
I watch as Pa drifts and goes back inside our unit.
My hands gather my hair into my fists. Ugh. What did I just do?!
The nagging truth that I hate myself for feeling? I’m angry at Pa. Why does he keep insisting on leaving? Why isn’t he trying harder?
And I don’t know why I’m even allowing myself to feel this way. It’s completely dumb and selfish! I’ve wanted Pa back for so long and I’m wasting time being mad at him.
My hand throbs after I slam the elevator button. Maybe getting some air can help me get rid of all these annoying feelings too.
The elevator gap is already closing when I see Seph rush out of our unit and squeeze himself between the doors.
“What are you doing?” I ask when his body narrowly escapes getting crushed by the elevator doors.
“The elevator’s for all building residents, Ilagan.”
I groan. “Forcing an elevator open can break its safety mechanism.”
“Please. People force elevators open all the time,” he argues.
And like some twisted joke, the machine rumbles to a sudden stop. Instead of showing the floor number, the screen on top flashes a redEfor error. I press the elevator’s emergency call button, but the line just keeps ringing and ringing. And no matter how high we hold our phones, both of us get zero signal.
“Just how I wanted to spend Christmas.” My back slides down the elevator wall and I bury my face in my arms.Great job, Nika. You get another Christmas with Pa and you mess it up so much that you get stuck in an elevator.
Soon, I feel Seph move and take a seat beside me.
“Wanna talk about what happened?”
“Nope,” I answer, my voice muffled and my head still buried.
“It might make you feel better if you talk about it.”
Not answering him this time. From this point forward, I’m making a vow against talking, and everyone around me should respect my wishes.
“Do you wanna think of more nicknames for Dr. Derrick?”
That’s when I look up at him. “What?”
“How about… One Derrick-tion?”
I scoff under my breath. “Didn’t know he had plans of joining a boy band.”
“Hey,” Seph protests. “Derrick’s a hard name to work with.”
I’m about to resume sulking when an idea pops into my head. “Derrick-tor.”
“Derrick-tory.”
“Derrick-cula.”
