When Ma’s take-out order got delivered to another house by accident years ago, she started baking more at home. When Achi missed out on being valedictorian by a point, she ended up getting awarded a merit scholarship to her dream university.
But then one day, my dad didn’t pick me up from school.
And my sister told me he was gone.
I didn’t hold my breath or wait for the universe to deliveranything “good” after that. There was nothing that the universe could give me that would make up for losing my favorite person.
And then it hits me again—how fleeting this whole moment might be.
“Pa?”
My voice catches before I finally voice the question that’s been in the back of my mind.
“Do you know how long you’ll be here?”
Pa’s face tightens before he smiles. “I just got here and you’re getting rid of me already?” he teases, and floats closer so he’s seated beside me on the bed. “Do you remember when we performed together at the office Christmas party?”
Whenever I asked her what happened to Pa, Ma kept changing the topic, saying that we can talk about it at a better time. The first time Ma brought us to the mall after Pa passed, I remember asking her again about that day.
Achi was the one who pivoted the conversation. She pulled me aside and whispered, “Let’s try to make Ma happy today.”
So I ride along with Pa on memory lane. “Didn’t we perform the Jose Mari Chan song?”
Pa smiles and starts humming the Christmas carol.
I listen to Pa’s stories, even while all the unanswered questions and the constant worry of him disappearing keeps nagging at me. I guess it’s my way of listening to Achi and letting him be happy.
12
If I end up in hell, I’m pretty sure they’d punish me by hiring people like my sister to wake me up.
“Why? Whyyyyyyyyyy?!” I groan and cling to my pillow when Achi tugs away my blanket again at the butt crack of dawn.
“After yesterday, did you seriously think I was going to trust you to make it to school on your own?”
The mention of yesterday suddenly snaps me awake.
Holy shit. Where’s Pa?!
… Was that whole day with him a dream? But everything was so vivid, though… Is that what happens after years of sleep deprivation—dreams start feeling more real?
“And look at this!” Achi points at the part of the floor still coated in baby powder. “Do you expect someone to magically appear to clean this up?!”
Wait. If there’s powder on the floor, then that must mean…
I spin around the bed, frantically looking for any signs of him.
There’s nothing when I check my closet, under my bed, my desk. “What are you looking for?” Achi asks. “Your missing potential?”
I’m about to tell her to help me find Pa when I remember I’m the only one who can see him.
But maybe Pa’s ghost went through some reverse metamorphosis overnight.
So I ask, “Did you see a butterfly this morning?”
“While I was watching the rainbows and unicorns?”
I say that I’m being serious and she cocks her head to the side. “You’re really looking for a butterfly?”
