But then my whole body tightens as I consider opening up to Seph about Pa. I drift back to the prom sash on his chest and everything that happened tonight. Being with Seph didn’t fix anything.
You just made everything worse for your whole family, again.
“Why did you even go to prom with me?” I almost spit out.
He looks at me like the answer’s obvious. “Because I like you.”
“Why?” I try to blink away the tears I feel coming.
“Hasn’t it been obvious over the past weeks?”
My shoulders bunch up. “I thought we were just having fun,” I manage to say despite my throat closing in on itself again. “Being one of your MOMOL buddies.”
Seph stops short. “How can we be MOMOL buddies when I have no idea what that means?” It all makes my vison blur with tears.Why is he still here?!
“Hey.” He dips his head so he meets my eyes. “I like you. Just you, okay? And I have a feeling from how it’s been going, I think you like me too.”
“… What if I don’t like you?” I ask under my breath. “Will you go away?”
The way his face falls makes my heart twist. It’s like a dozen eternities pass while we stand outside the elevator without saying a word.
Then I hear Seph say no.
“If that’s what you feel…,” his voice rasps out. “I’ll always be your friend, Nika. Your family has always been there for me and I’ll always be here for you.”
He doesn’t know what he’s saying. I’m so tired of peoplegiving me false promises. I’m so tired of getting my hopes up. Everyone I care about always ends up leaving me.
So I go for where I know it’ll hurt.
“We’re only here because I feel sorry for you,” I blurt out. “That’s the only reason why I went along with the soiree, the prom… Your dad isn’t giving you any attention, so you’re desperate for anyone to notice you.”
My eyes prickle from seeing the look on Seph’s face. He doesn’t fight back or say anything else. He just untangles his hand from mine and watches as I step inside the elevator.
The elevator doors slide shut and it’s too late for me to take all those words back.
38
Pa wasn’t there.
He wasn’t at the school, he wasn’t at the bakery, he wasn’t at the airport. I took Martha and I drove her to every single place Pa and I have visited the past forty days. I went back to Saint Agnes again, hoping that Pa has been waiting for me after prom this whole evening. No one was there. By the time I got back home, the sun was already peeking through.
Achi was waiting up for me and said she gave Ma the alibi that I was already sleeping. I didn’t have any energy left to care. When I sank into my bed, my mind just kept screaming about all the ways I let Pa down—and it forced me to snap into action.
That all led me here: a crowded dentist’s office first thing on a Sunday morning. To my right, there are kids arguing over a PlayStation console, and to my left, another kid is crying after hearing they needed to get braces. While all this is happening, there’s a Pitbull song about hooking up in hotels and motels blasting in the waiting room.
While Pitbull is shouting out names of different women, the receptionist calls out, “Annika Ilagan?” When I look up, she adds, “Dr. Go is ready to see you now.”
As she leads me to the designated cubicle, I rehearse the speech I have for Dr. Derrick. I realize that everything went from bad to worse ever since he came into the picture. Pa was becoming more real every time Ma remembered him, but how can she keep doing that if she’s getting married to someone else?
Well, there’s no wedding if the groom decides to back out first.
I’m thrown off when Dr. Derrick isn’t in the room. “Sorry, he’ll be with you in a moment,” the receptionist says in a voice that’s barely a whisper. “Let’s get you ready so you’ll be all set for your cleaning.
“Sorry,” she says again as she guides me to recline in the dentist chair. Gigi carefully straps a bib on me with a smiling tooth that says,Ready for my tooth-pics.
This is fine. I can still confront someone from this position.
“Annika!” Dr. Derrick startles when he walks in. He straps on a face mask, then lowers himself onto a rolling chair and scoots until he’s by my side. “I haven’t seen you in the clinic in a while.” He faces the receptionist. “Gigi, when was Annika’s last cleaning?”
