I stay silent because she’s making sense.I haven’t been able to sleep through the night, and it’s affecting everything.
“You’re beating yourself up because you think it might do some good.But it doesn’t.And even if it did, you’re worth the healing.”She sighs.“It took me a long time to let go of my own shit.I’m sorry I wasn’t able to teach you to do the same.”
She’s teaching me now, I realize, and it might be enough.
“Promise me that you won’t spend one more second in guilt if you can help it.The faster you release it, the better your life will be.”
I can tell Lacy imagines a long life for me.I don’t know how to tell her I haven’t considered that I might live for much longer.
“You’re going to get this guy.It’s only a matter of time.But you know how to get revenge?You live, Inara.You live long and you live well.That’s what your family would want.That’s what I want for you.”Her voice cracks, and I choke back my own emotions.I can imagine her here, her graying hair pulled back in a bun, her blue eyes intent on mine.“We’re all rooting for you.And...you’re so precious to me.You were a gift, and I’m sorry if I didn’t tell you that sooner.”
My sinuses are tight with oncoming tears.I cover my mouth to keep in a sob.
“You did,” I say when I can speak without fear of losing it.“You didn’t have to say it; you showed it.You saved me.”
“I could’ve told you,” she says briskly.“I was too much of a hard ass.”
I gasp out a laugh.“You were not.”She could be stern and closed off, but that was just her way of dealing with the horrors of her career.She’d seen things that would give grown men nightmares.
“I was.But now I’m in therapy and think you should be too.”
“Noted.”My eyes tingle, but I’m smiling.“I’m sorry I didn’t stay in touch.”
“I understand.You probably had your own reasons.But don’t do it again.”
“I won’t.”On impulse, I add, “I’m married now.”
“I heard,” she says drily.“I assume my invitation got lost in the mail.”
“We didn’t have a wedding.But, if we do in the future, I’d like you to come.”
“I’ll be there.Now, I’ll let you go.I know you’re busy.”
“I’ll be in touch,” I promise, and I intend to keep it.We end the call, and I hand Hamish’s phone back, savoring the warmth that’s flooding through me.
I thought I had to keep my distance to keep my loved ones safe.But maybe I was wrong.Maybe I can let people in.Maybe it’ll turn out all right.
There’s a noise behind me, and I turn, expecting to see Hamish.Instead, it’s Rex.His face is a study of shadow, harsh planes like the craggy, uncompromising face of a mountain.
He needs me,I realize.He needs me as much as I need him.
“Come to bed with me.”I hold out my hand.He comes over and takes it, his huge hand swallowing mine.Something settles between us.We’re in this together, and no matter what, we’ll be okay.
A blast of excruciating heat,strong enough to sear my flesh from my bones.I whirl and spread my arms like wings and leap into the cool air.
I’m falling from a great height.There’s no sound, only the sensation of surrender.Everything will be over soon?—
I flail, jerking upright out of the dream.Rex is right next to me, sitting up and turning to comfort me.
I cringe away from him at first, not wanting him to touch me.I’ve seen the same thing over and over, and I’m afraid of what it means.
I just got him.I just realized I could allow myself to be with someone.Please.I pray to the gods who have never listened and never will.My fate was woven from the start, and it seems I’m headed to my death.
“Another dream?”Rex asks.
“No...”I need to tell him about my visions.It’s not fair.I almost died and almost lost him.That sacrifice should be enough.“It was more than that.”
He waits for me to explain, opening his arms when I turn to him.My limbs are chilled and clammy with sweat.His heat surrounds me and draws me further into the room, out of the dream.
