After a second of hesitation, I hit play on the voicemail she left.I haven’t heard her voice in so long, and just the sound of her saying my name sends a pang through my heart.
“Inara, it’s good to hear from you.”There’s no mention of how I’ve cut off contact for years.No guilt trip.I still feel the guilt, but it’s muted because of her compassion.“After I got your message, I was contacted by a Hamish Hitchcock.I verified that he’s acting on your behalf”—there’s a touch of a smile in her voice, like she knows I’m married—“and sent him my case notes.I hope they’re helping you.”There’s a pause, and her voice softens.“I’m sorry this is happening.I failed you.”Her breathing catches, and my heart almost stops with the pain that underlies her words.Another pause, and her voice steadies, growing stronger.“But I know you’ll make it right.You’re going to nail him.”
I clutch my phone to my chest, reeling.I should’ve listened to this voicemail at night, in private, when it’d be another secret in the dark.There are tears pricking my eyes, and I’m in the bullpen surrounded by hardened detectives who lost the ability to cry decades ago.I need to hold it together.
The pain in my chest expands, making it hard to breathe.I hunch over, willing myself to stay upright.
I failed you.
I know why she feels this way.I feel it, too.
It’s the same way Rex feels about his own parents’ murders.That he should’ve stopped it.We both should’ve been bigger, stronger, faster, smarter.
I should’ve done something that night to stop the Bondage Killer.
It doesn’t make sense to feel this way, but I do.
You’re going to nail him.She sounds so certain.She’s always believed in me.
For some reason, that makes me want to cry even more.
I somehow make my way to my desk and sink into my chair.The room is busy with people, but only Burgess notices me.He frowns in my general direction but doesn’t say anything before going back to his work.
I bow my head like I’m thinking and try to get a hold of myself.My psychic senses are screaming, trying to tell me something, so I dampen them a moment.I feel like I’m moving through water.
Breathe.Just breathe.The small, encouraging voice in my head sounds like Rex.It helps.
I’m going to nail him.My mentor is right.This time, the thought doesn’t make me want to cry.It makes me want to work.
But then I look at my desk and realize what someone has left for me.
There’s a worn book in front of me with a familiar image on the cover—a pattern of birds in flight.I haven’t seen it in years and yet I recognize it right away.It’s my journal from years ago.I know without looking that it’s filled with my childish scrawl.
I remember my mother giving it to me, explaining the origins of my name.
Swallow.After she gave me the journal, I learned more about the birds.The knowledge stayed with me, lurking in my subconscious, so when it was time to choose a submissive moniker, I chose that word.Little bird.
My Swallow.This is why the Bondage Killer called me that in his letters to me.I can only hope he didn’t discover my visits to Empire.Just thinking of him obsessing over my sex life makes me feel like I’ve bathed in a cesspit.
Don’t spiral.Think.This is evidence.A clue.A sign the killer was able to infiltrate the department.His message is clear: nowhere is safe.
I have a sudden, wild thought:I want Rex.I imagine him here, standing with me, reminding me to breathe.He’d take over and eventually would go too far and annoy me, but he’d be a safe, solid presence.A powerful force on my side.
I look around, but there’s no sign of anyone who might have left this.
“Burgess?”I call.
He raises his head so quickly that I get the feeling he was paying too close attention to me even before I called his name.
I point to the journal.“Do you know who put this on my desk?”
“Yeah, some guy from the press.He wanted to hang around to speak to you, but the desk sergeant made him leave.He said his name was Ted.”
“When was this?”
He shrugs.“Half an hour ago.”
This is it—confirmation that the Bondage Killer is responsible for the recent killings.He picked up this journal the night he came into my room.And now he’s left it for me.
