I never knew a simple dinner with someone could feel like a rollercoaster, but this is as good as a scene.The high of connection.The lows of denial.The razor edge of need and the lightness when I hold the space for my partner to truly be herself.
I’m smiling when I face her again.
“What?”she asks, looking confused at my grin.
“Thank you for dining with me.”
She looks uncertain.“I should be thanking you for feeding me.”
My heart softens.She’s trying to let me in.“My pleasure.”
Her forehead wrinkles further like she’s at war with herself.I stay silent, letting her wrestle with her feelings.
“Will you...will you stay with me?Spend the night, I mean.”
Triumph.My patience and restraint paid off.“Always.”
Inara
He sleeps naked.Because, of course, he does.
After a shower to wash off the day, I come out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, and he’s already stretched out on the bed, lounging under the covers.He looks like the king of the castle, a warrior resting after winning the war.
He did win, I guess.And I’m okay with it because I’m aligning myself with him.Working with him instead of against him.It’ll be nice to be on the winning team.
I return to the bathroom to dress in a short, navy blue nightgown trimmed with nude lace.I take the time to blow dry and brush my hair.I’m suddenly nervous about this.Like a virgin bride on her wedding night.I drop the brush and laugh at my reflection in the mirror.
It’s just Rex.He’s behaving.And it’s more convenient to let him hang around than go out and seek a stranger.
I’m used to grueling nights like these.Working a case and handling the murder book and files always sends me to a dark place.That’s why I would visit a sex club to break up the feelings.The impact play would give me the release I needed.Pain followed by an endorphin rush.It would be temporary, but it would help.
But whenever I’m in the thick of it, I can’t escape the case.It would follow me home and haunt my dreams.It wasn’t all bad.My subconscious would process the details and the answers could come to me in my dreams.More often than not, I’ve broken cases by waking up with the puzzle worked out.
Tonight will be no different, except this time, I won’t be alone.It’s a novel thought, one that makes me eager to climb into bed.I hesitate before sliding into the covers.
“I don’t know if I’m up for anything tonight,” I tell Rex.
“You should sleep,” he murmurs.“You need rest.”
He’s right.
I curl up on my side, facing away from him.My back prickles.I’m acutely aware that there’s a giant dom in my bed.My body is desperate for his warmth.
“Thank you for getting me Lacy’s murder book,” I say into the dark.
“You’re welcome.”
“I actually found it years ago when I was staying with Lacy.She was in the kitchen, and I snooped in her bookcases.”I remember pulling the book onto my lap, and a loose piece of paper fluttered to the floor.It was a picture of my family.Teenage me had stopped breathing.
“That must have been hard.”
I try to recall the feelings, but they’re distant and muted as if recalling the memories and talking about them put them firmly in the past.“It was, but I was also fascinated.I wanted to see how she solved the case.But it hurt, too.Like touching a live wire.It was a shock, but...I wanted it?”I don’t know how to explain it, so I try again.“I wanted the pain.”
“Like picking a scab.It hurts, but not as bad as the original wound.It’s proof you survived.”
“Yes,” I say, smiling in surprise.It’s amazing to have Rex understand me so perfectly.It unlocks something in me and makes me feel free.“That’s exactly it.But then Lacy found me reading it and was horrified.She took it away.”
“Is that when you wanted to become a detective?”
