“Inara, please.Let me help you.”
It’s tempting.Of all the people in the world, he could actually help me.Ease my burdens.But I can’t trust him anymore.
“The only help I need is getting away from you.”I sit up, finally putting some space between us.He only lets me move so far before his hands come to my back, pulling me into the circle of his arms.
I huff and look around the room.“Are you going to lock me in here again?Chain me to the bed?”
His cock twitches under my ass.“If that’s what it takes.But right now, I thought I’d just hold you.”
I do want him to hold me, more than he knows.His arms feel right around me.
This is when Rex is the most dangerous.When he’s using a soft voice and gentle touch.This is when I want to give up, give in.
“I don’t want to fight you,” I say.“Not like this.The stakes are too high.We should be focused on the same thing—stopping the Bondage Killer.”
“Agreed.”Of course he agrees with this.We both want the same result.It’s the steps we’ll take to get there that are in conflict.
“I’ve spent my life dedicated to bringing murderers like him to justice.If you take that away from me, I’m not sure who I am.”
“I know you want to do your job.But it’s not worth your life.”
I want to argue that the cost won’t be my life, but the reality is I’m willing to sacrifice anything to put the Bondage Killer behind bars.Rex knows it, and it terrifies him.No wonder he overreacted.He’s not used to feeling so afraid.
But I have to make him understand why I have to leave.“Imagine something with me.”I brace myself before I continue.“A little girl wakes up to a nightmare.There’s someone in the house.A stranger.He’s already killed her parents.No one is alive to come help, when suddenly her bedroom door slowly swings open, and she knows her life will never be the same.”
He rubs my back with a massive hand.“That little girl was you.”
“No.That little girl is out there now.Her family’s alive, but only if we put the Bondage Killer behind bars.And I’m the best chance at catching him.I’m the only one who’s survived.”
“That makes you a target.The danger, the risk...it’s unacceptable.”
“That’s my choice.”
He says nothing.He’s done his damnedest to take away my choices.
“Don’t you understand?This is why I survived.To become a detective, to stop people like the Bondage Killer from preying on innocent families.”I dig down deep through the shards of myself to put my feelings into words.“After my family died, I didn’t understand why—why they were murdered, why I had to keep living.And this is what I realized: every murderer I stopped meant another person lived.Instead of being a victim, they could survive and thrive.They could have a life with a home and a family...”I’m breathing hard, like I’ve run up a flight of stairs.Because it hurts to say this.It’s hard to think about the responsibility I bear.And it hurts more to think of what little my life has become.“If I can save one little girl from going through what I went through, it’ll be worth it.My life will make sense.Because she’ll get to live the life that was taken from me.”
“The life you won’t allow yourself to have,” Rex says, leaning in close enough that his hair brushes my forehead.“Because you’ll never allow yourself to have a home.A family.”
“I—” I can’t refute that because it’s true.I’ve dedicated myself fully to the cause of justice and sacrificed everything else.
“You’ve made yourself a martyr.Giving up everything for people who may not deserve it.”
“She deserves it,” I insist, even though I’m talking about a hypothetical child.
“She is gone,” he snaps.“She became you.”
I gasp like I’ve been slapped.My chest stings.
“As much as I know what it’s like to focus your life on a single purpose, I can’t let you sacrifice yourself.”He grips my arms as if reassuring himself that I’m here.As if he’s afraid I’ll disappear.
“If you had any kindness in you...if you ever cared for me as more than just a plaything you can train to orgasm on command...you would let me go.You’d let me be who I need to be and do what I need to do.You can call it my purpose or destiny, but it’s more than that, Rex.Hunting down monsters and bringing them to justice is all I have.It’s all I will ever have.”
As I speak, his head bows like it’s under a great weight.His fingers flex on my arms in an involuntary movement, and when he finally speaks, his voice is almost a whisper.“What about me?”
“What?”
“You’re all I have, Inara.And I can’t lose you.”He raises his face, and the terrible sorrow written on his features is too much for me to bear.“You won’t let me in.You won’t make space in your life for us because you’re afraid if you love someone, you’ll lose them like you did your family.You think it’ll be easier if you just don’t allow yourself to have things.So you condemn yourself to being alone.”
