“Oh.”
“Oui.Oh. We’re not together. Haven’t been since Esme was a baby.”
“What did she do?”
“Franchement?…sorry, honestly? I don’t know all of it. Back then, ce n’était pas ma priorité. I just needed to convince the social I was done with her and Esme was safe with me. I know there were a lot of drugs in the house when the raid happened. Enough to put her down for a good stretch. I don’t know what the conviction was, though. Je préfère ne pas savoir.”
I love how he doesn’t notice half the time that he’s weaving between languages. How his face is honest enough that I don’t need to speak French to get the gist of what he’s saying. The maths of his sobriety, though…it doesn’t add up with drug busts and prison time.
Questions bubble up my throat.
Sab cuts them off. “I’d moved out by the time it all went down. Charmaine had been knocking off some bloke down the gym. Had been all along, and I fuckingknowit was him stashing whatever in my loft space.”
“Did he go down too?”
“I don’t know. I don’t care. All I’m sure of is that Charmaine went out and banged him the same night I told her I might be fucking bi.”
“Nice of her.”
“Yeah.” Sab seems to come back into himself, glancing around the room. “I should go.”
I don’t want him to. I want him to stay all night, safe and warm in the heady nest we’ve made in my makeshift bed. I want to talk more. Fuck around more. All of it. Iwantit.
But Sab…he’s done for the night, I feel it, and I open my arms, letting him go.
I go downstairs for water, giving him a few minutes to find his clothes and put himself back together. I figure he’ll follow me. When he doesn’t, I go looking and find him at my bedroom door, rehanging it like a boss with the tools I’d abandoned on the landing.
Feck my life. Could he be any hotter?
He tests the door.
It’s perfect, obviously, and I treat him to a stare that does nothing to hide how much I want him. Competence is my kryptonite. Who knew?
Definitely not Sab. He looks confused as I fecking devour him with my eyeballs. “I can do the other doors, if you want?”
“You could,” I say slowly, measuring my words so I don’t sound too crazy, “but then I’d never let you leave and Esme needs her da.”
Sab makes a sound low in his throat, one that lets me know how I’m looking at him isn’t entirely passing him by. “Thanks for tonight.”
“You don’t need to thank me.”
“I feel like I do.”
“Why?”
He shrugs, setting the tools aside and dusting off his hands. “You’ve helped me so much with this.” He gestures between us. “With all of it.”
“All of what?”
Sab’s gaze darts around before he seems to force it back to me. “The man sex thing.” He laughs a little. “I’m more at peace with it now than I ever fucking dreamed I could be.”
Man sex.
Not Galen sex.
My rational brain knows they’re just words. That maybe Sab isn’t thinking that hard about what he’s saying. But all I hear is a reminder that this is temporary. That I’m a stepping stone in whatever journey he’s on and he’s not mine to keep.
I find a smile from the pit of my stomach. It’s bitter on my tongue. “That was the plan, wasn’t it? Get you to a place where it’s easy, eh? Then you won’t need me anymore.”
