“No, that’s not it. River’s madly in love with the person he was always meant to be with and I love to see it.”
“Then what makes you sad when you see him?”
“I never said I felt sad.”
“Okay.”
Tam rolls his eyes, but I see his concession all the same and I understand more than I want to. Ifeelthat pit of loneliness in his gut that he’s scared to acknowledge. The one he buries with casual sex and the pretence it’s all he’ll ever want.
It’s the same self-inflicted fallacy I came here with, but I’m not as rooted in it as Tam seems to be, and the big fat lie I’m telling myself is harder to believe.
It’ll get easier.Though, the only thing that feels easy right now is breathing Tam’s cinnamon scent and leaning way too close to our newly established friendship boundaries. “Don’t worry about dinner. I can leave some for you, or we can have it tomorrow, maybe?”
Tam twitches, as if he wants to touch me too. “I’ve got a better idea. Come with me?”
Nine
TAM
Dragging Bhodi around the city doesn’t feel good. But the deliveries I make there don’t take long, and then I drive back into town and park behind a church so vast and grand it’s more like a cathedral.
He’s quiet, taking it all in, not even commenting on the clumsy way I’m gripping the gearstick with my casted hand. If we’d spent the short time we’d known each other exchanging pleasantries on the driveway, I probably wouldn’t notice. But we’ve shared more than that, and I hate the distant haze in his eyes enough to poke him. “Still with me?”
Bhodi tears his gaze from the church to meet mine. “Hmm?”
“Just checking you’re awake.”
“I’m awake.”
He smiles to prove it and it drowns me in all the best things, but I’m not done working yet, and we’refriends. I can’t pinchhis cheeks and claim his mouth. So I get out of the van instead and grab the last box I need to deliver tonight.
It’s small, but Bhodi pops up at my side anyway. “Need a hand?”
“Got two, thanks.”
“Sure about that?” He eyeballs my good hand—the one that aches like a motherfucker from overuse. “You’ll be down to none if you’re not careful.”
I give him the same look he gave me when I knew without him having to tell me that his ex had ruined his day. “How did you pick up on that when you’ve had your eyes closed since we left Hereford?”
“One, my eyes weren’t closed. Two, you’ve been flexing it since you knocked on my door.”
I tuck the box under my arm and make a fist, gritting my teeth against the strain in the weary tendons. “I don’t usually write so much with this one. It’s better at painting.”
His eyes widen. “You really are ambidextrous?”
“Yup.”
“Wow.” Bhodi reaches for my hand. Second guesses himself. Then does it anyway. “That’s super rare. Where does it hurt?”
I show him. He switches to nurse mode so fast I barely catch it, but damn if it isn’t sexy as hell.
“Can I try something?”
I lick my dry lips. “Sure.”
Bhodi presses my palm. Hard. Then he smooths it over my thumb joint and the relief that rocks me is so damn good I have to lean on the van to stay upright. “Fucking hell.”
He smiles, but for once it’s faint, his lovely face a study in concentration as he repeats the motion over and over, chasingevery ounce of pain from my hand with his magic thumb. “Better?”
