Patch... shit the bed. I’d forgotten about that. It was in my back pocket, and I fished it out, handing it over. “I don’t want it.”
“Figured.” Cam took it back. “It’s on ice if you ever change your mind.”
“I won’t . . . no offence.”
“None taken. I’d like you to stick around for a day or so, though. Whatever the answer you give Jakov when he comes back.”
“That an order?”
Cam shot a pointed glance at the hand that had somehow found its way to my throbbing skull. “Not yet. But it’s not a good idea to ride out with a head injury. Most of us have learned that the hard way. Besides, where’s the harm in some R&R?”
“Around here?” I laughed before I remembered the Jakov-shaped elephant in the room. “All right. I can stay a few days. Need to see Jean more anyway.”
Cam nodded, following my jumbled thoughts down a Russian road. “You know, however you feel about Viktor?—”
“Don’t.”
The warning snapped out of me.
Cam raised his hands. “Let me finish... however you feel about him, and however you fall on what Jakov wants from you, keeping good relations with him is vital for us. His Spanish connections help us keep Juana and Liliana safe.”
More knowledge I already had. Up north, before the world had turned to this fucked-up hell, Jakov and Viktor had spoken Spanish on the phone all the time, and I’d got the impression itwas a Jakov thing. Hadn’t given it much more thought than that, though. “Sounds like a you problem.”
“Does it?” Cam ashed his smoke. “Then it stands to reason that the look on your face when Jakov said Viktor’s name is ayouproblem.”
“It is, but that’s none of your fucking business, boss.”
I kept my tone light. I knew Cam. He had his fingers in a thousand pies and so many people to worry about that I knew he wasn’t winding me up on purpose. Wished he’d get to the point, though. I really needed that nap. Before I slid off this chair and died.
“Can I give you some advice?”
My head had started to drop, chin to my chest, fatigue setting in. I jerked upright. “Wha—no. Fuck off.”
Cam laughed and took the water from me before I tipped it down myself. “A few more minutes, brother. That’s all I’m asking of you.”
“For what?”
“For you to understand that we’re here for you. Whatever happens. And I’m fucking proud of what you did tonight.”
Nice. But what the fuck did that have to do with Viktor? I was starting to forget the fight. The blows I’d taken. The ones I’d landed. The reasonswhy. My brain was a slush pile of copper-streaked hair and meadow-green eyes. My pulse a hypnotic beat of EDM and good weed. Of hot hands on my skin and those damn fucking lips claiming my mouth.
“It’s no joke, is it?”
Cam. Again. Still fucking talking.
I made myself look at him.
He tapped his chest. “How you feel. I’m not asking you to explain it to me. You’re right—it’s not my business. But let me tell you something.” Cam leaned forward. “It doesn’t go away.However much you ignore it or however far you run, it stays there, tearing you up until you find a way to live with it.”
My heart flared, smothering the scoff I fought so hard for. “How do you do that?”
“You confront it. You don’t fuckingwasteit. I spent too many years not letting myself feel, and all it got me was a decade of regret.”
And where was he now? Openly in love with Saint. With Alexei. And it looked good on him. I knew that, cos I’d known Cam O’Brian half my life. I’d just never imagined we’d end up on the same side. Never fucking dreamedwe’d be tight enough for an actual conversation.
If you could see me now.
That was for Rocco, but my dead friend’s ghost was quiet, leaving me drowning in whatever Cam was trying to tell me. “You think I should go to him.”
