It was a whisper, my dry throat betraying me.
Drifting, Ranger did not answer. I watched him for a while, but eventually the need for water tore me away from him.
For unknown reasons, I bypassed the kitchen and wound up in the bathroom. The steam from Ranger’s long-ago shower was gone, but his scent clung to the air like an invisible smog, and away from the witchcraft of his close proximity, it got to me.
There was a glass by the sink. I rinsed it under the tap and let the water run. Forgot about it as my reflection caught my attention.
Suka, blyad.
My eyes were red, a week’s growth on my face, hair sticking up in every direction. It was hard to believe that Ranger had willingly pressed his lips to mine.
He’s wasted too.
And I’d left him alone, a reality that sobered me enough to notice the tap blasting water into the sink.
I shut it off, my pulse still hounding my eardrums, my breath short and snatched in a way it hadn’t been in the living room, days of no sleep and hours of partying catching up with me, even as every fibre of me craved something else.
Cravedhim.
Ranger.
The need to get back to him unnerved me. Dazed, I stumbled away from the mirror and into the narrow hallway. Music thrummed from the living room speakers.Mymusic. His. Smuggled tracks from his Rebel King brothers. I had no idea. I did not care.
I breached the archway. Ranger was where I’d left him, but he’d rolled to his side, head pillowed on one arm. Beautifully and wonderfullyasleep.
Transfixed, I sank into a crouch, yearning to lie beside him again. To feel the heat of his skin against mine. But I didn’t move towards him. As the chemical hum in my blood began to fade, I found I could not. Because I was not the same man who had done that already. That man did not exist, and an invisible barrier rose between us, brick by brick. I had felt happiness today with Ranger. I had laughed and meant it. I had felt like myself in ways I never had away from the sunshine sanctuary Jake and I had built a thousand miles from here. But it was not real.Iwas not real. Not here—not in this place.
Not anywhere.
My bag and boots were discarded nearby. I came upright at a dizzying speed and retrieved them, at the last moment remembering the balled-up shirt I’d tossed away.
I dressed with little on my mind but the truth. I had togo.
Leaving Ranger was hard.
Staying was impossible.
With his kiss imprinted on my lips, I left with no idea how deeply I’d come to regret it.
[ 2 ]
RANGER
NOW
Text messages were the bane of my life. Whoever invented them could get in the fucking sea, along with whatever cunt decided guitar music and hogs were irreparably bonded.
I scowled at my phone, wondering what the hell had possessed me to turn it on for the first time in weeks.
Months.
Whatever.
Locke:the nanna is all good. but she misses u bro. prob time u paid her a visit
Folk:Even the wind comes full circle eventually
Finch:After Jean, I’d better be your first call when you turn this phone on
