Nash:i’ll take care of him, queenie xx
Orla:Oh honey, I’m counting on it ;)
And that was my girl, her big heart wrapped up in a filthy-sexy dose of innuendo.
Nash:i love u so fucking much
I pocketed my phone, a sense of peace, ofright, settling over me that was quickly replaced by a searing burn inside that was as unbearable as it was sudden.
Except it wasn’t sudden. It was years old, a faint simmer that over the last year or so had become an untamed wildfire.
Locke was by the window, staring out at the dark view, his face a study in all things beautiful.
I kicked my boots off and followed the call to his broad back, sliding my arms around him. “I want you.”
Locke leaned against me. “How?”
I went with brutal honesty. “I don’t know.”
Locke turned around, setting his hands on my shoulders.
His fingers grazed my neck.
I shivered and a hot grin warmed his face as he considered me.
“We don’t have to fuck,” he said eventually. “I’d feel the same for you if it never happened.”
I believed that as much as I’d believed him when he’d told me he loved me.
But he was wrong about one thing. We did have to fuck. Before I burst into goddamn flames. And that’s what he was really saying. What he wasasking.
How are we going to fuck?
My answer was still the same. I didn’t know, and common sense told me it didn’t matter. God willing, if we fucked tonight, it would be the first time, not the only time, but my head was wrecked. It was the stupidest thing that I was still fighting with myself to figure out what was lessgay—fucking a dude or letting him fuck me.
As if I cared.
As if that bullshit way of thinking made up a single atom of who I was.
Who I am.
I’d left Locke hanging. He didn’t seem to mind, but I did. “Can you do something for me?”
Locke moved his hands to my face, big, rough, and warm. “Anything.”
“Whatever happens tonight, don’t take it easy on me—don’t go slow or be careful. I-I, fuck. I need out of my head.”
“You want me to push you?” Locke’s gaze turned serious. “For real?”
“It’s more than that. Ineedyou to. I’ve spent my whole fucking life trying to think my way out of this, and I can’t fucking do it. I can’t—”
I broke off with this awful guttural sound. Like, who even was that? It wasn’t me. It couldn’t have been. Because I wasn’t lying. I wanted Locke. All of him, from the top of his scruffy head to his two-litre dick.
“Hey.” His voice came low and soothing, his lips soft at my temple. “You’re not going to lose this because some cunt fucked with your head when you were a kid. Whatever you need, I’m right fuckin’ here.”
“I don’t know what I need. Or how long it’s going to take me to figure it out.”
A faint grin threatened the earnest concern in Locke’s gaze. The protection. “Nash, we have all night. How about we try everything until something sticks?”
