“You never bring anyone home? Even when Ivy’s not here?”
“I work when Ivy’s not here.” Decoy’s gaze tracked my hand as I retracted it. “Or I roam around like a mad man.”
“Restless?”
“Anxious.Furious. If I didn’t have so much to lose, I’d go out with Saint. Fight some of the rage out of me.”
He didn’t strike me as an angry man. But in this life, beneath the surface, perhaps we all were. “Can I ask you something?”
Decoy refocused. “Can’t be worse than what I’ve asked of you.”
“There’s nothing bad about this.” Apart from theachein my groin. “It’s about the custody arrangement you already have. I can deal with your ex better if I know the facts.”
A slow sigh breached Decoy’s lips. He shifted onto his side, treating me to an unobstructed view of his face as he tucked an arm beneath his head. “I bankrupted myself to take her to court a couple of years ago. I thought I was going to lose, but I got lucky on the day. The judge was sick, and the one who took over saw my side. I got every other weekend and a couple of nights a week. Until then, it had been nine months since I’d seen Ivy outside of a supervised contact centre.”
“What about your... stepson, right? I didn’t imagine you having two kids?”
Raw pain fractured Decoy’s gaze. “I don’t have contact with Ben anymore. The order didn’t apply to him, and Lauren miraculously remembered who his biological father was when she realised I didn’t have any money left.”
“She went after him instead?”
“I don’t know. Last I heard, Ben was at a football academy in Ipswich, so Ivy doesn’t see him much either.”
“I’m sorry you lost him.”
Decoy took a second and gathered himself. “Me too, but it might’ve been for the best if it gets him access to his real dad. Who knows?”
Mydad was the only man who came close to the father Decoy was. But I got the sense he didn’t want to hear that right now. “Okay. So you have an arrangement order from the court for Ivy. How does that lead us to where you are now? I’ve been trying to keep track of when you have Ivy, but there’s no consistent pattern.”
A wry look crossed Decoy’s face. “Inconsistency is Lauren’s favourite weapon. She sticks to the order for a week or so at a time, then does whatever the fuck she wants, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Whatever the court says, it’s not illegal for her to keep Ivy from me for weeks at a time. I could call the feds and they wouldn’t do anything.”
“You can’t go back to court?”
“I’m fighting for full custody. I have to, for Ivy’s sake, but it takes a million years. And I don’t want her pulled apart in the meantime. For now, all I can do is keep records of all the fuckery and hope that one day I get to put it in front of another judge who gives a shit—”
Decoy broke off to yawn. I took that as my cue to stop talking, but I couldn’t bring myself to shut my eyes, and neither, it seemed, could he.
We stared at each other for a long time before his eyes finally fell shut.
Decoy slept like a soldier. Quiet and still. Economical with his energy in case he needed it the second he woke up.
His head was pillowed on his folded arm, face half hidden in his elbow. It left a big swathe of his neck exposed, and despite my noble intentions, I spent the next few hours resisting the urge to trace it with my tongue.
It was starting to grow light when little footsteps saved me from myself. Decoy had left the bedroom door open, and I was unsurprised to see Ivy’s face peeping through.
Her dad had his back to her. She looked beyond him and her sleepy gaze landed on me. She opened her mouth to say my name, but I sat up and pressed my fingers to my lips, beckoning her forward.
She came to my side of the bed.
I slid out so she could crawl in and burrow against her dad. Barely stirring, he raised a strong arm and pulled her close.
She fell asleep again in one breath.
Smiling, I tucked her in. Then I lay down again on top of the covers, folding my arms under the pillow. Transfixed by them, I thought maybe I’d be awake all night.
I wasn’t.
* * *
