Yeah. I did. More than anything.
Did I understand how I’d lived my whole adult life without it?
That was a hardno,and the only answer I had for Folk was a harsher kiss and braver hands. Shorter breath as he pushed me against the wall, one hand braced on the rough plaster, the other descending lower, palming me through the worn denim of my jeans.
His grip on my dick held a purpose I was unprepared for. A surety that blew my mind. I wanted to touch him too, but after half a decade of my ex telling me I was inadequate in every possible way, my courage deserted me.
I slid my hands up his torso instead, palms skating over the ridges and bumps of his chiselled abs. His ribs. Roaming every inch of his sun-warmed skin until my fingers hit metal—they hitsteel—and traced the shape so familiar it took a second to compute what it was.
What itmeant.
Tags.
Fuck.
Fuck.
My eyes flew open in the same moment a shocked breath ripped from his chest, forcing us apart.
Folk reared back.
I flattened myself against the wall, hand flying to my lips as if I could rub the last five minutes away. “You’re military?”
Breathing hard, Folk nodded. “You too?”
I had no words. Just a blind, panicked stare as the terror I’d brought into this encounter returned full force. Asstupidityblew through me like a virus. Of course he was a soldier. We were wearingidenticalclothes. Green T-shirts and military-issued boots. Jeans that had followed us on every deployment since we’d enlisted. Only his hair threw me. It was too long for him to be a regular grunt...
Oh holy hell. He wasspecial forces.
Had to be. SBS, Z Squadron if the rumours on base were true.
The realisation hit home as Folk’s gaze dropped to the tattoo on my forearm. The insignia of my own regiment, blown out and crude, stamped into my skin like a brand.
He shook his head. “Can’t believe I didn’t see that. That’s how hot you are, if it’s any consolation. You imploded my common sense.”
Folk smiled again, but it was dimmer than the one he’d dazzled me with in the bar, and the weight of disappointment was heavy in the air.
Choking.
The shaking returned to my hands, along with the spirit-sucking need to escape.
The fire exit was three strides away. Beyond the door to the oppressive room.
BeyondFolk.
Pushing past him felt impossible. And because he was clearly destined to be the soulmate who got away, he saw it and stepped aside.
It was my moment to run. To put my head down and get gone. But leaving him and abandoning the clarity he’d gifted me with his gentle wisdom and wicked mouth—it cut me to the bone.
Grief swamped my heart for something that could never happen. I needed togobefore the terror building inside me gave me a bloody heart attack, but my feet felt cemented to the floor, my legs dead weights screwed into my hips.
“Go on,” Folk murmured. “Before I change my mind and do something that’ll get us both in trouble.”
I’d never tell anyone. Who would I tell? Jammo? Crofty? The weird transfer from the 2nd Battalion who smelled like old socks and Joop? Of course I wouldn’t. But Folk didn’t know that. And he was right. Homosexuality had been permitted in the military since the turn of the century, but living that reality out in the open? Banging a lance corporal from the next barracks over?
Nope.
I couldn’t speak for Folk, but I didn’t have the stones. Trouble was, I didn’t have the heart to leave either. I willed my feet to move, and something wrenched inside me. Something as deep-rooted as the need to be here in the first place. Life had hurt my soul over the last few months, but this felt mortal, and I couldn’t see past it.
