Apart from loving Decoy and Ivy more than ever, it was the one thing in my recent memory I was rock sure of. “He wasn’t on that boat, Cam. I swear. I searched every inch of it to make sure the cargo hadn’t been delivered early, and the only extra faces I found made me want to kill them slower.”
Grim humour warmed Cam’s face. “I feel that. And for what it’s worth, I believed you the first time, and that’s what I told Jakov.”
“Did he believe you?”
“Honestly?” Cam rubbed his lips, a tell that he was thinking about something that stressed him out. “I think if it had come from anyone but you, he might not have, butViktorrespects you, and that means something to Jakov. Ranger implied they were closer than just gangster buddies, but he wasn’t clear on whether that meant family or something else. You know anything about that?”
“Not a thing. I’d never seen Jakov’s face until he rolled up with Esteban last year.”
“Me neither. But... fuck it. I didn’t come here to put all that on you. I came to make sure you’re okay. I didn’t know your whole story until I bullied it out of Alexei last night, and I’m sorry about that too. These last few years, I’ve barely known my own shit, and you deserve better than that from me.”
“Rocco deserved better. Me? I’m okay. Got everything I need.”
Cam grinned a little. “I can see that. But I know you’re right about Rocco. I don’t regret many things, but I do wish we’d fought harder to help him.”
So did I. But Rocco was dead, and punishing Cam wouldn’t bring him back. “Is Alexei okay? I keep asking Decoy and forgetting the answer.”
Cam got up and retrieved a coffee mug from the counter and a bottle of water for me. “He’s good. I’ve never seen him sleep so much, but Dr Google told me that’s normal after a dive hits like that.”
“What about Saint?”
“I still have work to do there.” Cam sipped his coffee. “I was a dick to him too.”
“Why?”
“Cos I was hopping mad that he’d let Alexei do something so fucking dangerous.”
“Saint didn’t know what we were doing. No one did.”
“I know that. And I knew it at the time. I just... fuck.” Cam set his mug down with a frustrated bang. “Those two fuckers, they gang up on me sometimes and I don’t know which way is up. I got it in my head that Saint was part of this, and I was fucking terrified that we’d lose Alexei because he’d let it happen. And then I was fucking terrified I’d lose Saint too because my big fat mouth had turned me into a raging cunt.”
“You tell him that?”
“Of course. More than once. But I don’t know if he’s listening. It fucks with his head when people get hurt, and it takes him a while to calm down.”
I drank my water, digesting that, and the first plate of real food I could remember eating since before me and Alexei had left. Since before Decoy had been hit by that car. It was hard to believe all that had happened in the space of two weeks. But it felt good to have food in my belly. I was stronger already.
Not sure I looked it, though, given the careful stare Cam was treating me to. “You okay to talk a bit longer?”
I realised I was leaning hard on the table. That I needed his help to ease back in my chair.
Also, that his hands on me didn’t feel as terrible as I’d probably imagined. They just weren’t Decoy’s.
Cam waited for me to pull myself together. It took longer than I wanted to contemplate, but the meal he’d cooked me was doing good work.
I found my bearings. “What else do you want to talk about?”
“The future.”
“Mine or yours?”
“Yours. You never gave Rubi an answer about the enforcer’s job.”
“He told me it was open-ended.”
“It is, but you don’t seem like a dude who needs that long to know his own mind. I’m thinking maybe you just don’t want it.”
“That be a problem for you?”
