“Why?”
Because I love you. “Because I’ve always wanted you. It never went away, even after that night. I’m just so fucking scared I can’t see it through.”
Mateo uncurled his hands from the tight fists he’d made. Rigid. Stripped bare by a moment he thought would never happen.
It’s how I knew he loved me. That he was still here after I’d punched him in the face and forced a nightmare on him, not hoping for a miracle, but loving me all the same. For other people, it was the kind of bond that came at the end of their story.
We’d never found our beginning.
Was this it?
I don’t fucking know. But as Mateo laid hands on me, I didn’t care. I took a shaky breath as he gripped my hips again and let his fingers slide under my clothes, callouses to my bare skin.
“There’s no endgame.” He eased me forward. “You can kiss me a thousand times and it’s enough. You could never kiss me again andit’s enough. Do you understand?”
Words were my thing. Sometimes I had too many and I ran out of ways to say them. Right now, I had none.It’s enough.Maybe for him, but it wasn’t for me. “If I kiss you again, will you kiss me back? Don’t sit on your hands, man. I need to feel you.”
Mateo licked his lips. “I’m not a nice person.”
“Liar.”
His gaze flickered and anger sparked inme. We’d lived in each other’s pockets for years. Did he honestly believe I didn’t know him? That I’d befriended a sinner and now here I was, expecting a fucking saint?
No.
I wanted the man who hid behind that fiery gaze, not the beast who held him hostage. And I knew that man was strong. That he’d fight to the death for anything except himself.
“Kiss me.”
He didn’t. He kept staring and I couldn’t take it. The fear I clung to abandoned me and I felt feral instead. I wanted this. I needed it. And fuck any chivalrous notion he had of keeping it from me.
I seized his chin again. “Kissme.”
Mateo gritted his teeth. “You don’t know what you’re asking for.”
“I’m not a fucking virgin. That’s you, right? If you’ve never wanted another dude, you haven’t fucked one.”
Guilt danced through his gaze.
I gripped him tighter, digging my fingers in. “Tell me.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
Mateo muttered something in Spanish, closing his eyes. “I banged a dancer at that club in Gloucester.”
“Why?”
“To see if I could. If I wanted to, or if it was just you turning my head inside out.”
“Did you have fun?”
His eyes flew open. “No.”
“But you did fuck him?”
“Yeah. I closed my eyes, thought of you, and it was fucking easy. Then I opened them again and I was so pissed off hewasn’tyou that I wanted to murder him. Because I’m not a nice person, remember?”
