No one else looked my way, and it was a fucked-up thing to be lonely in a room crammed with people who loved you. I missed Rubi. I missed the Mateo I’d gone to sleep with. Mother of Christ, I missed the steady vessel my body had once been.
Another cramp twisted my belly. Breathing through my nose, I sat back down, watching Alexei lean closer to Mateo. “Carlos Esteban once tried to hire me to kill his brother. Do you know what he asked me to do to him?”
I couldn’t see Mateo’s face, only the tense set of his shoulders. “I don’t know fuck all except he’s a mad cunt, so I’m guessing it was something super fun.”
“He wanted me to sever every finger of his right hand and every toe of his left foot.”
“Did you do it?”
Alexei shook his head, his stance still liquid relaxation. “My services were not for sale, no matter the price he was willing to pay, because I was loyal to the organisation that held me prisoner. As loyal as I am to one where I stay of my own free will.”
“Are you trying to tell me you’re gonna kill me, Alexei?”
“Maybe.”
“Lexi.” Cam’s deep voice rumbled, warm and emotive. “No one’s killing anyone.”
Alexei showed Mateo his teeth. “Of course not. Because Mateo will die from the irony first, no?”
I was lost. Alexei’s riddles usually intrigued me enough that I was captivated, but right now I needed him to shut the fuck up so we could finish this twisted show and tell.
Don’t puke.Not yet.
Alexei backed off. Saint remained next to Mateo, his gaze less derisive but every bit as intense. He’d yet to speak, but everyone in the room except Mateo’s childhood sweetheart knew that was about to change. Saint’s eyes swept the room for a split second, landing on Juana, seeing something the rest of us hadn’t.
He swung his stare back to Mateo and it wasdeadly. He jabbed a finger in the air, pointing at Juana, his face straining with the effort it took to form words.
Then he dropped his bomb. A low rasp that sucked every ounce of air from the room. “That woman is pregnant.”
* * *
Pussy that I was, I ran, tearing myself from the floor and storming from the chapel before my brain did something stupid. Like rip Mateo from his chair so I could see his fucking face. See if Saint’s barely audible statement unhinged his jaw like it had every other brother in the room.
Course it didn’t. He’s lied about everything else.
Man, I needed to puke. In the biblical sense. As in, if I didn’t, I’d combust and die.
I ran across the yard, grateful it was empty since Cam had called a lockdown. Made for the clubhouse and climbed the stairs before I remembered Mateo’s daughter—Mateo’s fucking daughter—was in Cam’s room with Rubi.
The door was shut, but any relief I felt was short-lived as the storm heading my way hit land.
I staggered to the bathroom and puked in the sink, my entire body heaving in a way it hadn’t since I’d woken up from surgery last year. It was long and messy, and painful enough that combustion seemed a kinder way to go.
When it was over, I was shaking like a motherfucker.
I washed my face and hands and brushed my teeth. Then I drifted to my room and booted the door closed with enough force that the frame splintered.
Awesome. Paired with the windowpane cracked by Mateo’s fist, we were an absolute shitshow and he wasn’t even here.
I need out. It was the one coherent thought I could hold on to without banging my head against the wall.
My bag from the haulage run was still on the floor. I picked it up and chucked out the dirty clothes, letting them scatter on the rug. I didn’t own many others and they were mixed with Mateo’s.
I left his where they were and stuffed whatever scraps I found into my bag.
There was a medication stash in my bedside drawer. I didn’t want it. But I needed it, and I didn’t plan on coming back.
I dropped the pill packets into the bag and scrabbled around for the emergency drug I’d never heard of. The one Alexei said I could only take if I was desperate. I wasn’t there, and maybe I never would be, but this day was so messed up. Who the hell knew?
