KAI
Joss is wrecked. Tanner too, but he has Jax, so I don’t watch him slide down the fire escape with anywhere near the amount of concern.
They disappear inside.
Jax gathers the leftover pizza into one box, but makes no move to follow them, and neither do I. There’s no fuckin’ point. Tanner doesn’t let friends and family help out in the bar, and there are so many servers milling around tonight we’d just be in the way.
Besides, it’s nice out here. If I can’t be with Joss, I’m happy with the inky summer sky over my head.
Jax offers me another beer. I take it and twist off the cap. “You think it went well tonight?”
It’s hard for me to tell. I walked into Molly crying and Joss sweeping broken crockery, but Tanner seems happy, so who the fuck knows?
Jax, hopefully.
He answers with a shrug. “They sold out of a lot. I don’t think Tanner comprehended how fast Joss was gonna kick it out. You have to see it to believe it.”
I’d never seen Joss cook more than three plates at a time, but I believe it. “He’s that good, huh?”
“You know it.”
“Yup.”
Jax gives me a searching look, but he’s distracted by something on the concrete by his foot. It’s the hologram fidget spinner that fell out of Joss’s pocket when he reached for more pizza. Jax scoops it up and holds it to the sky. “I remember when he used to light old trees on fire and dance around with them in the sand. Thought he was fucking crazy, hair everywhere, missing half his clothes, but he can move, man. I was mesmerized by him when we first met.”
“You’re not mesmerized anymore?”
Jax laughs. “Too many crazy nights under the bridge for that. And he’s mellowed, if you can believe it. We all have.”
I’ve never seen Jax as anything but mellow. I know he’s been through his own shit and survived, like Tanner. Like Joss.
Like me.
And aren’t we all a little crazy?
I open my mouth to say as much, but it starts to rain, fat drops that hit the balcony rail and the fire escape below.
Rain on the roof.
It’s a cliché trigger—my biggest—and Jax knows it. He starts to stand, to hustle me inside before I lose my fuckin’ shit, but maybe I’ve mellowed too. I pluck Joss’s fidget spinner from Jax’s fingers and twirl it in my own, watching the light dance, counting the rotations in time with my pounding heart. Shadows threaten my vision and heat flares in my chest. But I don’t fight it. I accept it, stronger now than I’ve been in a long time. “Sit down,” I tell Jax. “Tell me more about your crazy nights with Joss.”
* * *
Jax is a good storyteller. He has a soft, Cornish accent that wraps around words, making them sound like therapy. I drink up every Joss-themed anecdote, enraptured and laughing. I’m sure Jax notices I’m fuckin’ captivated, but I’m using my available spoons on ignoring the rain, so I can’t bring myself to care.
It’s ass o’clock when we shimmy down the broken fire escape and go inside. Jax drank most of the beer so he’s tipsy as fuck. Me? I’m chill, man. Just need to find Joss and take him to my bed for the night, and I have everything I’ll ever need.
The thought feels absolute. Complete. And not in any way temporary like the reality of his time in Vermont. But I’m not feeling negative thoughts right now, I just want to be with him.
Tanner is still working, counting the register and rolling his eyes at Molly as she waves her phone in his face. I see a Tinder profile and cringe. Then I catch Tanner’s eye, and he points at the ceiling. “He just went up.”
I don’t stop to wonder how he knows I wasn’t about to shoot the shit with him and Mols. I just book it through the bar and up the stairs, not stopping until I’m in the apartment and the door is closed behind me.
Joss is in the hallway. He spins around, tired eyes wide with something I don’t quite understand. “There you are. Thought I’d lost you.”
“Lost me?”
He shakes his head and reaches for me, claiming my hand and pulling me away from the door. “I’m dramatic when I’m knackered. Wait for me while I grab a shower?”
